a good decision

Now, I’m usually not one to make new years resolutions. As a matter of fact, up until this point I made it a point to NOT make resolutions. They set you up for failure and disappointment. They put pressure on the future, a heavy burden on days to come. They are a silent scolding, an invisible finger, barking over your shoulder and wagging at your every waking hour. They cut you up; they shred you up. They make it hard to breathe and give you bad dreams. Resolutions haunt you. Resolutions make you scared of what isn’t there. But I’ve decided, I’m not afraid anymore.

I need to set more goals for myself. That’s my first resolution.

I need to write more. I need to write every day. If not here then somewhere. In a notebook or on a napkin. In paint on the walls or in eyeliner on a hookers ass. I need to contribute more words to the world, because hell, I aint got much else to offer. That and writing whats in my head makes whats in my head seem way more interesting than it actually is. But I also need to start getting the stories out. There are voices inside, and they want to be heard.

I need to dj more. I need to highlight the night. at home, in clubs, in bars, at some schmoes house. i don’t know about as much as I used to, but more than I am now. I have too much music spinning inside, its getting frustrating, and I don’t know how much longer its gonna be there.

i need to finish things I start. And I need to start more things. No more of this fast forwarding to the blowjob then doggy style part of the movie, I gotta watch the courtship, the tit fondling, the rug munching, the missionary, the whole thing. Unless it’s a facial compilation, then ill just do the deed to get it over with. Oh yeah, this also applies to learning computer programs, writing stories, and throwing parties.

I need to throw more parties. Im sick of complaining about all the narcissistic DJ’s and fake hipster bands. Im sick of paying for too many drinks and avoiding people I don’t want to talk to. I also need the focus on more immediate, tangible goals, and throwing parties is a pretty good way to get out there and circulate in the city while having a reason, a real reason, to do it.

i need to start caring more about how i look. and realize its OK to care about how i look.

I need to be more honest with myself and others. But of course, we all do.

I need to deliver more in this blog. And next year, I will. This, I resolve to do.

designer labels

ive been obsessing over the somethingawful forums. some are confusing, some are slightly amusing, some are hilarious, some are shit. some are too geeky and others are dumb. there is a crowd of cool kids and a crowd of dorks, a crowd of elitist and a crowd of losers. its kinda like a high school cafeteria, without any food but still with a bunch of fat dudes. its one large target market demographic. an infinitely insiteful peek into the ones and the zeros of today. its a waste of time and i cant get enough of it.

a friend gave me an account for christmas, knowing it would be a sweet vacation binge for me. once i began to explore it, i couldnt stop. its prevented me from starting a new book, or figuring out ableton, or fingering my ass to trannie porn, or drinking loads of cough syrup watching seinfeld in slow-mo. its prevented me from doing anything but suffering through its pages and pages of people talking shit.

shit about sex. shit about losing sex.. shit about movies. shit about music. shit about shit. and general bullshit. its a shitfest there. shit mania 2005 is about to end, buckle your seatbelts and prepare for the glory that is SHITMANIA '06! it will be shitacular! you will shit your pants at the shit that will be spewded during SHITMANIA '06! there will be shit about mothers! fathers! girlfriends and boyfriends! shit about your neighbor! shit about you place of work! and if youre lucky, shit about YOU! thats right its SHITMANIA '06, where will you be when the shit hits the fan?

i cant get enough of it. im a goon. an honorary goon.

in other news, i got some nice cords from G-Star today. thats right, i keep it fashionable bitches. they are some pretty nice cords, nothing too fancy, but i got a fancy ass bag to take 'em out the store in. seriously, this bag is fucking fancy. its the kinda bag posh spice probably carries her labradoodle around in, its that fancy. when they put my pants in it and handed it to me i was like, DANG! do i get to keep the bag too? then, just to be sure i could, i bolted from the store, knocking over an elderly hipster on the way out. bitch should have gotten outta my way.

filler

its going to start slow. ill post something every day but it will be dull and unenlightened. it wont have any value or reason. it will be a waste of time. but the days burn down things will come to me, inspiration, desperation, a scene from the archives of my memory. i'll peruse the internet, searching for humor or sex or a juicy rumor about someone none of us know. maybe i'll confess one of my sins, or make one up for kicks. maybe something funny will come to mind, or something sad, or curious.

maybe the blackness of my imagination will surprise me. maybe the long dry desert will become a canvas of miracles and maybe i will describe them all.

maybe ill witness a murder, or a birth. maybe it will be in my neighborhood, or in front of my office, or on television.

maybe i'll see a great movie, maybe it will change my life. or hear a song that takes me back to a moment of pure innocence and i'll cry because i never feel that way anymore.

maybe i'll learn a new word, or read a new book, and maybe it will tilt my reality a bit and i'll see things under a different light.

maybe i'll see someone i know, or knew, or want to meet. maybe me and this person will have a marvelous adventure together and maybe then have a falling out and never speak to each other again after but appreciate the story left between us.

maybe a beautiful woman will open up her heart to me, and trust me with things she has never trusted anyone else with. maybe she wont be beautiful at all, but homely and average and invisible in the city. maybe she will be disfigured and it will take every cell in my body to look her in the face.

its gonna take a while, its gonna be slow, but soon, i'll have something to write about.

post christmas nooner

damn i cant believe im in the office. its just me and two other people, oh, and a few tumbleweeds and the ghost of christmas past. speaking of, merry christmas people on the intraweb. and happy new year too, or whatever.

im making this quick only because i can. but i will be posting regularly soon. very soon. i will be posting at least once every day. starting today i guess. and once i start, i wont stop.

and i wont stop, and i dont stop, now anybody, everybody, scream...

i watched Fade to Black last night. that jay z movie. the dvd kept skipping so we missed the part where he did Big Pimpin, which kinda sucked because thats one of his more wreck the club grind and rub type joints. oh well.

i guess i should do some work, so i can bounce the fuck up outta here soon. like i said, this wont be the last time you hear from me, so dont get all comfy skipping over this site. you might miss something good if you do.

oh yeah, and ive really been into the juelz santana record [tick...tock...tick...tock] as well as this band the earlies. dont sleep.

the ghost of friday night past

i should be writing a paper now. i should be well into it. i should be in the middle of typing a paragraph, supporting the topic sentence with a quote from a peer reviewed scholarly journal article, or "unpacking" said quote, with a smart and precise analysis that breaks down the main subject and eases forth into the next sentence with a steady, intellectual flow. i started it earlier, the paper, or at least i wrote the outline, but i exhausted myself with doing that and had to take a break. so i rolled a spliff and ate some food then smoked a couple cigarettes. now im drinking a beer and watching Inside the NFL and typing this instead of writing my paper.

you should listen to this mix [two parts]. its Greg Wilson live at Apt., here in new york about a month and a half ago. i was there on that friday night and it was truly inspiring. he came on at 1am and the floor was only half filled when he started. half hour into his set the place was getting sweaty and there wasnt much room left to shuffle. an hour into it the place was jammed and all the heads were going mental for every tune he dropped. his only US appearance and an opportunity to get floored by the grooves of heavy funk re-edits. highly recommended. if for nothing less than when he drops the Amerie "One Thing" vocal under an elecro beat with the "Sympathy For the Devil" bass line on top. thanks to Deep House Page for the link.

so listen to that. let me know what you think. ill get at you cats later.

repeats

because ive been so busy being a super important record executive as well as being a very unimportant late blooming college student, ive been slacking on posting lately. but because i have such a kind heart and self aggrandizing ego, ive decided to leave a few post regarding my thoughts and experiances with:

cockroaches
satanist
goth poetry
mimes
black serial killers
rap music
being conflicted
yanging ass yangers
and getting stoned

i know, its cheap, but i aint be gottin the time to post anything else, ya dig? besides, why read something boring when you can read something only kinda boring? so see, im saving you time by just getting down to the real nitty gritty of this blog [apparently of which can be summerized in just 9 post], and if i decided to write an actual post it would just be me complaining about how im too busy to post, or talking about porno and drugs, both of which have been covered quite enough on other, wider read blogs let alone investigated in this here thief of precious time [with its pretentious, oh im so dark and mysterious, black background and half assed attempts at luring readers with fading celebrities profoundly thick pubic bushes].

whatever, this is what im offering for now

so spread that on your toast and eat it.