Saturday, December 31, 2005

a good decision


Now, I’m usually not one to make new years resolutions. As a matter of fact, up until this point I made it a point to NOT make resolutions. They set you up for failure and disappointment. They put pressure on the future, a heavy burden on days to come. They are a silent scolding, an invisible finger, barking over your shoulder and wagging at your every waking hour. They cut you up; they shred you up. They make it hard to breathe and give you bad dreams. Resolutions haunt you. Resolutions make you scared of what isn’t there. But I’ve decided, I’m not afraid anymore.

I need to set more goals for myself. That’s my first resolution.

I need to write more. I need to write every day. If not here then somewhere. In a notebook or on a napkin. In paint on the walls or in eyeliner on a hookers ass. I need to contribute more words to the world, because hell, I aint got much else to offer. That and writing whats in my head makes whats in my head seem way more interesting than it actually is. But I also need to start getting the stories out. There are voices inside, and they want to be heard.

I need to dj more. I need to highlight the night. at home, in clubs, in bars, at some schmoes house. i don’t know about as much as I used to, but more than I am now. I have too much music spinning inside, its getting frustrating, and I don’t know how much longer its gonna be there.

i need to finish things I start. And I need to start more things. No more of this fast forwarding to the blowjob then doggy style part of the movie, I gotta watch the courtship, the tit fondling, the rug munching, the missionary, the whole thing. Unless it’s a facial compilation, then ill just do the deed to get it over with. Oh yeah, this also applies to learning computer programs, writing stories, and throwing parties.

I need to throw more parties. Im sick of complaining about all the narcissistic DJ’s and fake hipster bands. Im sick of paying for too many drinks and avoiding people I don’t want to talk to. I also need the focus on more immediate, tangible goals, and throwing parties is a pretty good way to get out there and circulate in the city while having a reason, a real reason, to do it.

i need to start caring more about how i look. and realize its OK to care about how i look.

I need to be more honest with myself and others. But of course, we all do.

I need to deliver more in this blog. And next year, I will. This, I resolve to do.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.