If I Were a Filler Blog post

If I were a high school locker, I’d have graffiti all over me, and when you opened the a door a bunch of trash would fall out onto the floor, and a lewd picture of a naked person would be taped to the inside of it.

If I were a plant I’d be one of many in a patch of plants just like me. I’d also grow wild, and in the areas most inviting to dogs that needed to relieve their bladder.

If I were a pair of socks I’d be thick and comfortable but make your feet sweat horribly.

If I were a radio station I’d have no particular format and thus have trouble keeping regular listeners. Advertisers would shy away from commitment and I’d be forever desperate for money, but with annual benefit concerts and the occasional stroke of luck, I’d be able to keep myself on the air. This would be made easier by my accepting a position on the side of the dial with decidedly lower frequency.

If I were a disease there would be a vaccine but no one would ever find a real cure for me. I would target the elderly in dry climates. I would really have it in for the elderly.

If I were a pornographic movie I’d be very low budget and all the girls would be hot, but not so hot as to seem entirely out of the league of my average viewers, even if in actuality they were. And there would be nothing blurred out, like there is in some Japanese porno movies. What’s up with that shit?

If I were a dog I would wish I were a cat.

If I were the sky, I’d be wet but never rain. People would be totally annoyed by me because they took their umbrellas when they left the house, only to carry it around all day and then forget it at a bar.

If I were a frosty beverage I’d be cheap, but not the cheapest. I’d be domestic and sold at most gas stations and corner stores. I’d come in six packs or big glass bottles. And I’d always do the trick.

If I were a song you heard on the radio I would be catchy but repetitive, with dense layers and very subtle changes. It would be to the publics understanding that I was best understood when under the influence of drugs.

If I were a car I would be reliable and get great miles to the gallon, though I would always be out of gas and a strange smell would come from my backseat.

If I were a political philosophy I’d be too sympathetic to practice in today’s modern society. But there would be lots of books written about me, and a small group of people would stand on my ground. Eventually, throughout history, I would take shape in small governments and then eventually large and powerful ones. In the end though, I would always be the cause of their downfall, as I am inherently flawed.