on the grid

I was on the grid in the morning, hardly hiding, doing my part. checking my email and answering my phone. ready to respond to whatever action came my way. this even though I was hungover and dehydrated and woke up 5 times the night before to drink tall glasses of warm tap water that didn't quell the headache nor the bad dreams nor the sweats. an hour into my day I was already on the train and heading to the city for a meeting I was unprepared for. the sun was high too. it was mad hot.

so here I am fighting traffic downtown and weaving through bootleggers on canal. they'll bootleg anything in new york. scarves movies music bags eyeglasses tshirts books. anything. you want it, we got the bootleg of it. for a fraction of the price we'll sort you out. but thats not what im concerned about.

I got cats blowing up my cellphone and I got spreadsheets I need to make and im taking flyers from solicitors hands and thinking about artwork that needs to be approved. in my head im building next year and im hoping for success and im getting lost on the side streets of the west village. my stomach is bitter that I missed breakfast. I got demos to listen to and meetings to make and rappers to call and house djs to hound. I have to get publicity updates and I have to sign documents and I have to hit a show tonight and remember to bring the labels promos because they need them for press. im outta weed and outta cash and outta time to make excuses. the city's beating hard on me and ive got no defense.

and im on 7th avenue and im envious of middle america. not because its slower there or because the apartments are bigger but because it seems they have faith in god and I lost that a long time ago. and I wish I was more spiritual and I wish I didn't feel so alone. like there is nothing but me and my fear and some bugs and some trees and dirt. and I want to have faith and I want to have meaning and I want it to be more than something another person said to me, I want to feel like when im lost the universe is watching.

but I make it through to the night as im always wont to do, and im at a show in tribeca being social and aware. the crowd was sparse but excited and I had one to many drinks so had to step outside for a cigarette. when I got back in Greg Nice was on the stage and when he said hey everyone else said ho. it was like yesteryear except right now and sort of ironic.

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im so happy my friends are back. to the right you'll see new links for samFM, one of my best friends "in real life." He's back in disco keeping in sleazy. and then you'll see the homegirl Snooze with new digs and a new template and a new name and everything, even though its the same old wit and charm. one day i'll know her "in real life" but for now were only BFF's on the internet. check em out.