Tuesday, July 12, 2005

my spines a square


my Spinal Surgery has created an identity unto itself. people refer to it as if its another person. they ask me how i am, then follow up the inquiery with -and hows your Spinal Surgery? sometimes they dont even cite the Spinal Surgery as being mine, and accredit it its own charcter, saying things like -Spinal Sugery is looking good today or, haha, that was a good joke Spinal Surgery.

my Spinal Surgery can be a real wet blanket too. it never wants to have any fun. last weekend i was at Ps1 enjoying myself under a warm New York summer sun. Dj Harvey was playing an eclectic set of soul, funk, house and psychadelic disco. cute girls were wearing tight tank tops and all the unhip trucker hats were twisted to the back. sunglasses were hanging loosely from everyones head and the dancefloor was just starting to warm up.

i was swaying gently back and forth keeping good rhythm with the beat, keeping one eye on my feet and one eye on each sweat drenched curve of the sexy crowd surrounding me. im getting my neck into it and my shoulders begin to bounce. i can feel the naked back of someone dancing sliding up and down my arm and i can feel her smiling at me and he has his eyes closed and another puts his hands in the air and Harvey drops a heavy soul drenched version of Whole Lotta Love and the bassline is throbbing in my chest and my legs and the soles of my feet and suddenly shes screaming about it being way down inside and the crowd beams in hysteria hysteria hysteria.

and just as im about to let the groove loose suddenly Spinal Surgery is all -whoa whoa whoa! nah brah, take it easy. you cant be doing all that moving around. just get back into the rhythm of that two step you were doing earlier. thats it. nice and slow. and i eased it up a bit and grumbled about how it was unfair that everyone else could get down but i couldnt and my Spinal Surgery told me to hush up and stop complaining.

my Spinal Surgery isnt very adventurous in bed either. actually, its kind of a prude. a few nights ago im about to give my lady the business real nasty like. and we are kissing and groping and tongues are going where fingers belong and fingers are going into places where nothing really should and im about to rip those jeans down and get my straight penetration on when Spinal Surgery interrupts my game telling me not to do it doggystyle and missionary is better and actually you know maybe you should just lay there and let her do all the work and i sigh and lay on my back and Spinal Surgery is all see? doesnt that feel good and i sigh again and reluctantly say yeah but inside im like, whatever.

whats cool though is my Spinal Surgery gets me out of a lot of tight jams. like, every time im late for work if anyone ask me what happened i usually just scrunch up my face and raise my eyebrows and i point towards my back with a look thats says -i cant do anything about it, my Spinal Surgery made me late. or when my girlfriend wants me to pick up something heavy like a bag of laundry or tin can filled with magic beans i usually say -oh i would, you KNOW i would, but my Spinal Sugery wont let me, sorry and i shrug my shoulders and take a sip of my beer. and whenever someone tries to hand me the phone and its someone i dont want to talk to i just take both hands and with my thumbs point to my lumbar and say -sorry, Spinal Surgery, and bounce the fuck out like a crazy weed smoking spinal surgery having funkbot from the year 10,000 A.D..

my Spinal Surgery is always nagging me about something. dont play records for too long. swim more often. be careful sitting down. stop looking at that womans ass. always with the nagging. its starting to get on my nerves. for a 4 inch scar at the bottom of my back it sure does like to get on my ass about shit. oh well, its just trying to look out for me. its got good intentions i guess. i mean, it wont let me play pool, but it wont let me get hustled either.

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Creative Commons License
:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.