Friday, July 01, 2005

thursday ends

this morning i got to work at 10:30. thats only a half hour late. wednesday it was noon. thursday it was 11. and today its 10:30. if all goes as planned i should be exercising fierce punctuality by mid july.

and it was a typical cosmopolitan evening indeed. first i went to a bar in the east village to check out this party a potential DJ partner was throwing. i knocked back a few Scotch and sodas [the carbonated mixer added much to Fcb's chagrin] and watched some cute chicks shake it to some non-violent dance music. the venue was above another bar and had comfortably low cielings. it was like being in a dimly lit basement that was up a flight of stairs [i guess, now that i think about it, that would be an attic]. if the faint scent of vomit didnt underline the atmosphere i would have stayed for a little while longer. but as it is, i bounced at about midnight.

off to crime scene, where a promoter friend was blessing the city with two of Baltimores nastiest DJ's. these cats spin the ghetto shit, tapping the inner slut inside, compelling you to unconciously drop it like its hot even if you've never heard the phrase before. B-more house was in full effect.

now if you have never heard Baltimore house before imagine this: if Southern Hip Hop, Detroit electro, Chicago house, and Miami bass all gathered in one room and for the entire night smoked blunts laced with cocaine and drank 40's of malt liquor then the mess you would be left with in the morning would be Baltimore house.

when played in its home town, B-more breaks [as its sometimes called] is usually played in clubs that are hardly considered "hip" or "cutting edge," in fact they are probably more viewed as "dangerous" or "scary." the space is usually cramped with sweaty black bodies grinding against eachother to the violent rhythms of drum thumps and snare snaps, responding to the ghetto calls instructed by whatever throaty local created the track, deftly watching their feet as to not step on any toes. i devulge all this information second hand, as ive never personally been to an actual Baltimore club, but i know plenty of people who have and all their stories are the same: b-more is all black and all ghetto. bottom line.

but we are in New York, not baltimore. so the party was packed with pale skinned hipsters dressed down for the occasion. when Dj Redz and K-Swift took the decks they looked around suspiciously and said to the promoter -why all these white people here? hahaha! oh you wacky B-more dj's! white people love you, thats why! you are totally edgy and dangerous. you validate their privilaged youth by sharing with them the musical magic you've created with the scraps you've been thrown. so dont be alarmed you zany deck technicians. its cool. this has been happening to ghetto culture for years. from Rock n' Roll to Hip Hop to House. even baile funk has been co-opted and marketed straight from the favelas in Brazil. dont act like you didnt know this, its part of Americas charm. and besides, youre getting paid, right?

and outside the club, standing with my friend and smoking a cigarette, watching as streams of magazine photographers and big named european DJ's came in and out of the door, the promoter [who, by the way, is black] turned to me and asked what i thought of the party.

-well, i said, aside from no one getting really grimy on the dancefloor i think you have successfully gentrified Baltimore club music.

he smiled at me. a smile that said totally dude, this is the hottest shit going on in new york right now, we are turning people on to some shit they would never hear otherwise. we are the definition of hip. completely modern and of the moment. its brilliant. then i finished my cigarette and put my arm around his shoulder -so whats up with the drink tickets dude. he slid me a couple and smiled that smile again. brilliant. it was 2am.

and on another note, im gonna try an experiment tomorrow where i link the shit out of fools and mention all kinds of pop culture gossip just to see how many hits i get. i got the idea from fresh. see, even though im up on all sorts of stupid useless entertainment chatter, i never write about it because, well, its too boring and im much too self absorbed to write about anbody else but ME [even if im pretty boring myself]. i dont need people reading this crap that bad. but i figure i might as well just to see if it would work.

ill start right now: tom cruise has totally lost it. and my girlfriend has this client that works for some big hollywood production company that, during one of her pilates sessions, confided in her that good ol tom was most definitely gay and has his "girlfriends" sign a contract that bounds them to confidentiality as well as ensures that they make public appearances with him. in return he arranges for them to get meatier roles in high profile movies, ultimately raising their star power. now of course i took this with a grain of salt as you can never believe the things you hear about celebrities, especially second hand info [let alone third and forth hand]. but this was about 5 months ago and just the other day zaida posted a link to this article on her site. coincidence? i dont know.

oh yeah, and scientology is the new gay.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.