Wednesday, July 06, 2005

humpday hummer


my initial plan for this post was grand and ambitious. it was to be an arresting demonstration of wit, insight, and pop culture. a magnificent display of cutting edge entertainment; a profound burst of inspiration. but im not in the mood today, so fuck that shit, maybe next time bitches.

-whats homeboy doing posting pictures of me on his site? and why was i rocking the baseball cap the whole way across the country? and i'm so unkempt. i look like a hip hop scientologist with vegan leanings. so young, so stupid, so high on meth and GHB.

-and speaking of being on crack, i got a bill in the mail the other day. it was from Central Park Neurosurgery. its for $25,000. yeah right. i just laughed and tossed it aside. can i pay that in nickel's? how about with weed or 'tales of adventure'? no? ok, well just sit by the mailbox, a check should arrive soon.

-who was the bigger slut? Blanche, of Golden Girls fame, or Mona from Who's the boss. im gonna go with Mona. my argument is that it seemed Blanche was in it for the money, where as Mona was just a plain ol' hoe. so there ya go, Mona wins! haha! fuck off Blanche. whore.

-oh heres some shit for you, Angelina Jolie adopted an African AIDS baby. how humanitarian is that? jesus christ bitch what are you trying to do, show up the whole country, or just hollywood? ooh, im angelina jolie, im criminally hot and sexy, i get paid $10 million a picture and my dad was in the movie anaconda, but i still dont think people like me for ME. oh i know what, i'll adopt an orphaned african baby, with AIDS! and you know what, she did it partly so that her other adopted kid could have an african brother. wow, imagine if youre adopted mom was hot as all hell and would get you anything you wanted, even an African sibling, if she would just go ahead and blow you before bed every night life would be fucking perfect wouldnt it?

now dont get me wrong, i have nothing against saving an orphaned child from africa, especially one with AIDS and all, that is quite a nobel act, one that should be commended. but here is an idea for next time youre feeling charitable Angelina: HUM ON MY BALLS. ok? hows that sound? it would really be awesome, and i bet i will be waaaay more appreciative of your efforts too. i nice gentle yet sloppy mouth vibrato on my freshly-shaven-just-for-you testicles. that would rock. but its just an idea Angelina. you know, if youre reading. no pressure dude. im just sayin...

oh jeez, and if to spite me for my blaspheme towards Ms. Jolie blogger isnt letting me post pictures. i gotta do it all old school style. fuckin blogger.

im gonna end this stupid post on that note. eat it.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.