Sunday, June 05, 2005

word wars


one of my comrades said to me this afternoon, -my favorite word right now is "assgasm."

i had to admit, it was a nice word. plugging two well beloved aspects of modern society, the ass and the orgasm, while implying they both be directly involved in one anothers virtues. of course this takes upon many different meanings to many different people of varying sexualites. to the straight male its definition differs from the homosexual male, whos definition may or may not differ from that of the straight female, who's definition may or may not differ from the homosexual females. and who knows what it means to the trannie. still, all share the same goal. the glorious assgasm.

yes, its a fine word. but i cant think of many ways you can drop it into conversation. i mean, aside from telling some one your gonna give them an assgasm, exclaiming you are having an assgasm, or pondering on or speculating about assgasms from the past or the future, there really isnt much of a function for it in todays everyday dialog.

so i offered my own favorite word right now: uterelish.

uterelish is exactly what it sounds like; the relish produced by the uterus, and its just as thick and chunky as you imagine too. it was considered a delicacy in the further regions of eastern europe during the 17th century, used to smother turkey and potatoes in at royal banquets. these days, only the wealthiest, and most decadent people use it for anything other than face paint. and its been said that the uterelish of a teenage girl has gone for over $5k an ounce on the black market

but aside from its history, uterelish is a much more functional word. here are some examples of the word uterelish being used in everyday conversation [which is, surprisingly enough, more often than you'd think].

Girl #1: is this mayonnaise still good?
Girl #2: i dont know. what does it smell like?
Girl #1: um.. kinda like uterelish.
Girl #2. yeah, its good.

what am i going to do? i cant go home to my wife smelling like uterelish!

you have a little uterelish on your mustache.

fucking hell! i cant get these uterelish stains out of the curtains
and my moms gonna be home in like, 15 minutes!

baby, i wanna rub your uterelish all over my nipples.

and so on, and so forth...

end bit.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.