ones and zeroes

what the hell is this all about anyway? this blog, i mean.

its not like i ever have anything clear to say. or rather, anything clear enough for a reader to get somewhat invested in. im not always funny. im not musing on the wires. im not flexing my opinion nor am i revealing whats inside [and i even mentioned to ziada once my confusion, and how i reveal myself in riddles instead of figuring the riddles out]. i dont have the patience to write everyday, and if i did it wouldnt be very interesting anyway.

im a speck on the internet. a benign series of ones and zeros. i dont complain about it because see, i cant find my argument. so instead i just ramble along, like a drunk on the other end of the phone who should have gone to bed a long time ago. i harass your comment section, even if my piece doesnt fit in your puzzle. i cast a shade on your sitemeter. i pop up in your technorati. i talk about the same things as everyone else. i dare you to know who i am.

and there is where it falls apart. this blog, i mean. who am i daring you to know? what do my words mean and why do i hit publish? why do i check for comments? who do i want reading what i write? and what kind of reaction am i hoping for if they read it? do i want people reading this? is that vain? am i that insecure? what the hell is this all about anyway? this blog, i mean.

ill just keep writing i guess. and listening for the rain and suffocating in the heat. and hoping it comes to me soon enough. and laughing. i guess.