Ex Girlfriend # 1 Nicole

so yesterday i got an email from a girlfriend i had while living in the great suburb of Fremont, California. i guess you could say she was my first love, or at least she was the first girl that i ever felt would murder me if she left. i was 16 at the time.

she had this chola gangster chick thing about her that i was kinda into at the time. she was a mexican/italian breed. one of those girls that wore too much make up and was amazing in bed. one of those ride or die girlfriends, that would jump in on a fight throwing fist and elbows for her man if he was in danger. she wouldnt stand there and scream for help, she would kick testicles and scratch eyes. she was at your side for good and forever and that loyalty had a profound affect on me at that age. eventually that same feirce loyalty became possesive and i had to break the chains and go do my own thing.

she had a kid right before i got with her, named Malina and fathered by some gangster that was in jail by the time she was born. i pretty much played the role and wasnt really shy from it, but eventually i knew i wouldnt be with nicole forever, so never got too attached. i hope that didnt give Malina any insecurity issues; sometimes i worry and feel bad about it.

towards the end she cheated on me with some kid in louisiana, but by then we were in such separate worlds that there wasnt enough effort in me to get hurt by it. it seemed more she did it just to tell me she did it, not because she innocently gave herself to another man, which would have been far more crushing in my opinion.

so it has been about 5 years since i talked to her. the email was literally out of the blue. she lives in a house deep in the suburbs, has three kids, and the domestic life she always yearned for. its funny how our lives are so different now, from those days having sex in the back of a car at the drive in, those days of fast food and cutting classes and wondering things for the first time. those days of suburban fury, and wanting so bad to be someone else.

i decided to post my reply to her just to do it, because it sort of catches everyone up on what the score is in my life. plus i figured id make a tribute post to her. she was a pretty down chick and my life wouldnt be the same had she not at one point broke my heart.

be well, Nikki

Hi Nicole,

Its really good to hear from you. I was just thinking of you recently.

So you had a 3rd huh? Congrats. But the broken pelvic bone sounds painful, hope you feel ok. it makes me feel good to know that Malina is doing so well and is such a great role model for her younger sisters [all girls!]. and it sounds like she inherited her mothers feet. She sounds great, even though good charlotte kinda sucks.

Im doing pretty good. still working for the same record company. Trying to stay on the cutting edge of music. writing and reading and burning through new york city. I had spinal surgery a few months ago, and it was a horrific experience to say the least. But im basically healed now, or at least im healing, it seems im always healing. I guess we all are in a way.

I started back to school. After a 10 year hiatus I decided it was time. now im in the middle of a 5 year commitment but I don’t think im afraid of it. I plan on getting a liberal arts degree, then getting my masters in something useless like literature or what not.

I still live with my girlfriend. Her and Will do NOT get along. When he came to stay at the palace for a while he ended up getting the boot after a hot one. Such is life I guess, will and I are of a strange ilk that live on another diet than everyone else. She couldn’t take having two of us to handle. One had to go, it was will. Its no worries though, just a story to tell at dinner parties over wine. Shes now visiting her mom in san Francisco, so I have the house to myself. Its like a wide open breath of air and im sleeping on both sides of the bed for a while.

The nights are still long. The mornings still dreadful. Im still the same person, just older. Keep in touch, love to you and yours. And next time put you in the pictures too! even though your daughters are beautiful and can hold up a frame on their own.

-jon