Saturday, June 18, 2005

holding up the wall

in the 6th and 7th grade i was living in san francisco and went to a typical inner city middle school. my financial situation was of the more meager sort, so i wasnt the most fashion forward preteen on the playground. needless to say, despite my cutting edge thread deficiencies, i still achieved a slightly less than awkward presence on the dance floor. the moves of this age were the rehearsed variation, the choreographed kind. they had names and songs named after them. the roger rabbit. the cabbage patch. the robocop. and, at least in the bay, the troop. if you couldnt bust these moves you were considered pretty much lame.

i could bust a few. not many. but a few.

the songs at these dances were primarily hip hop and R&B. most of the cuts were classics of the day, and the Dj's knew how to drop em just right. right as the dancefloor would start to heat up they would drop "Brass Monkey" or "Throw that D" and light the place aflame. and just as it got too hot they would ease in "I Need Love," or "I Wanna Be Your Man" and make all the cool kids get close and the B team hit the bench [i would have been a B teamer, offering desperate pleas for the coach to "put me in the game" every so often just to display effort].

and i tell ya, when the dances at my middle school hit the calendar everyone knew it was gonna be the main event. high school kids from around the city would pilgrimage to our spot to sneak into them [i got in this way one dance]. the cops would have to break them up. girls would get pregnant. couples got married in line. legend has it, that one year a 7th grader collapsed dead from an intense euphoric episode in the middle of the dancefloor and the crowd was so hot that nobody noticed for two hours, they just stepped around him. these grade school jammy jams were the cats meow. fo sho.

but my 8th grade school dances were janky. i had moved to a suburb outside the city and everyone got dressed up and they played lame pop music. well, it wasnt lame, i mean, you wouldnt call "Dont Be Cruel," lame. at least in 88 you wouldnt have. but still. they werent HOT. they were more like, lukewarm. some of the chicks had gotten pretty slutty by then though. so there was always that chance you could get some finger stink by the end of the night.

by the time i got to high school dances were a dreaded event, and by sophomore year i had given up on attending them [even though i had moved back to the city by then]. it was much more easy to just try to get every girl to have sex with you ALL THE TIME instead of waiting for that one moment between songs to "make your move." yeah, by then i had learned to cut out the middle man. dances had become a waste of time. they never delivered on any poon no how.

but just a moment ago i got the overwhelming urge to grind up on a girls ass while listening to LL Cool J. thats a whole 'nother type of horny.


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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at