The Nurse Laws

do not eat anything after 10pm.

bring an overnight bag.

you will be wearing a hospital gown.

do not drink anything after 10pm.

arrive at the hospital at 6am.

your surgery is at 7.30am.

please, do not be late.

there is a furious whirring swelling inside of me like an engine too hot thats on the verge. i eat two slices of pizza and my hands still shake. i avoid the painkillers right now because i want a reason before i go down that alley and that, my friends, is very out of character.

i let the phone ring, afraid of their concern. i dont hit reply and dont check my messages.

im waiting. im waiting till my hands dont shake. im waiting for the whirring to slow into its normal, steady hum. im waiting for a thesis to come to me. im waiting for a reason to support. im watching the hours on the clock and waiting until i have to go and arrive on time with my overnight bag and empty stomach and climb into my hospital gown. i am waiting to lay back and breathe and countdown slowly from 10. i am waiting to awaken when this is all over.

i lean forward as if that will ease the sickness. i lay back as if that will quicken my repair. i realize nothing works and im waiting to be fixed.

the hardest part was accepting the cost of damage and then the wait until im whole.

i think i'll take those painkillers now.