Friday, April 01, 2005

Byron Crawford is ruining my life

so before i tear into this i just want to add the disclaimer that im no longer gonna post any more whiny ass bullshit on this faggotronic blog. no more cryin about how stupid or sad i feel. no more bullshit bout the ol lady. no more crap period. [that is a bold faced lie and we all know it].

anyway, let me start by saying i dont read many blogs. there are a few, which i'll list for you below, in a very generous fashion, but usually i dont really give a fuckin rats ass about a single thing most bloggers have to say. like there is this guy. who everyone seems to be freakin about. like, all my homies [in cyberland, which in of itself is kinda strange] is on his tip. and these are people i respect! they all think he is, how do you zey in de american, zey "bomb?" so i inevitably went to check him out and he just seemed to be some white dude in LA. i mean, he didnt come off as offensive or stupid, he could actually be a pretty swell guy. i just didnt care. see, being a heterosexual male from san francisco, and now living in brooklyn, by rule, i just dont care for white guys in LA. i dont even put enough energy into it to NOT LIKE them. i just dont care. and when i read his shit i got that same feeling i get whenever someone mentions a white guy from LA. meh. but he seems to be the ruler of bloggerverse and all the shorties wanna lick his dick. whatever.

and he is the only one i culd think of off the top of my head [bravo white guy from LA. you stood above the rest. i guess, in the end, you win. [and that was said in a TOTALLY gay way], so im just gonna say that most blogs i have read are people whining about feelings they wish they had. they are just bored and looking for attention [kinda like me] and want someone to say "yes i understand." there is nothing wrong with this, im just not tryin to waste my time reading it. hell, id rather write crap than read it. i thought that was the way it was supposed to be done. apparently, there is a whole other art to blogging. and its one i trust. see, its best if you write something that people might want to READ.

so as i was moving along to before i went on that semi tangent because im in a complete vicodin haze and just puffed tuff on a splizzle, i read maybe, 5 blogs in all. and with all of them i have a somewhat personal connection because in some way i have already known or grown to kinda know [by way of the internet] them personally.

like there is this video bimbo who ive known since the disco era. i mean, me and this cat go back to dirty speed in the lower haight and fag parties on monday at 6am. we done been around the block together. he even lived with me for a hot one. shit, his ol lady is practically my bitch! oh i mean, hes all sensetive and if you strike a cord he'll disappear for like, a year, but hes one of my main soldiers and in the end and i can count on him to at least be somewhere near where i want him to be [and if you were wondering, yes. by "in the end" i meant his cock up my ass]. i know the score with him. i read his shit just cuz, you know, i be wantin to see what he got to say. that and we are totally gay for eachother.

and then there is saydizzle. shes like, a lyrical genius. oh you aint know? yeah she'll spit fire on ya. she hooked me up with gmail just on GP. i mean, i emailed her outta no where [sizzla gave me the blog addy] askin if she can hook a nigga up wit some of that future shit and low and behold she totally did! props out to a hot ass MILF that will just lace you like that. so of course i check in with what she be talkin bout [and damn son, she be layin it thick sometimes]. i mean, shes cool, kinda like meself. lil emotional, but chicks will be like that. and so will guys, by the way.

and thats really about it. i mean, every now and again i check out this dude because hes boys with my boy, seems kinda normal, and smokes weed. and i check out this chica because shes like, simply sizzles bff or something and is always getting linked and when i finally read her she said something about looking like halle berry and eve and so i keep checking back just in case she talks about getting it in the VIP entrance or something. and then there is this bitch. who writes so good it makes me want to eat my own anus [i have no idea what that means]. shes like, the funniest dry cleaner ive ever read. and there are some funny ass dry cleaners! where does she find the time to write all that hilarious bullshit when shes dry cleaning peoples clothes all day. guess thats what you call dedication. its been said dry cleaners have a lot of that.

but then there are other guys. like him. that dude is like, shit your pants funny [he lives in utah and if you dont got 8 wives, play for the jazz, or run a church you BETTER be funny or else im comin to cutcha, either that or im not reading your blog]. i mean, hes so funny i went through his ARCHIVES to read what he had to say. and thats really going in it, thats practically spelunking. i straight spelunked his ass! and he has like, eleventy billion readers. which he should, mind you. because he writes what someone may actually want to READ.

but he only updates every so often [weekly maybe]. Byron Crawford on the other hand, updates like once, maybe twice a day. and dude not only talks about shit i wanna read, he is actually pretty clever and funny. i mean, addictively [made up word] clever and funny. since the sizzle stick turned me on to him. i actually lost alot of time i should have been doing homework [and watching tv and playing records and doing other stupid waste of time shit] reading his lame ass album reviews and pondering his musings on Kanye West. dude straight cracks me up. and he writes all kinds of stupid shit i wanna waste time on. the fool writes episode guides to the fuckin Real World for chrissakes! shit, ill be damned if i watch em, but ill read someone rip em apart piece by piece fo sho! and he writes about a whole other load of crap too [can you believe i found out about Johnny Cocheran dying through that fool?]. and his comments are outrageous. these fools get all scientifical and shit. they practically turn the comments into a forum.

and heres the kicker: i suspect he writes half those comments himself. under different guises with different points of view. of course, i dont really believe its just one guy. in fact, i think they actually mention there are 'correspondents'. but supposedly one dude is writing a bulk of the shit and he is a black dude not too long out of college. whatevs i dont believe any of that blongna [im bring that back]. i think its just a bunch of smart white dudes with one or two black dudes on the team, [one of which started the site].

anyway, i been readin the fool non stop like hes my secret gay lover and im waiting for him to mention our lil trist. ive seriously been up late reading this fool go on about how cam'ron is gay and ashley simpson is lame and ghost face last album was the biggity for hours. its getting so that i am not getting anything accomplished, and its all because he writes about shit i wanna read. so from now on, dear reader [all 2 of you], im gonna try to not be so selfish and entertain a little. no more crappity crap. its all on the level from here on out.

[haha. yeah right. lick my sores bitches]

end bit.


Blogger 林依晨Amber said...


12:05 AM EST  

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