a fleeting idea

the lord never talks to me. never once has the lord intervened when i was making a bad decision or gave me a sign that would point me towards the right one. the lord has never guided me. he has never made my life a difference.

of course, followers of the lord would beg to differ. im sure to them there have been many obvious signals that our savior has offered in order to ensure my path has proven righteous. take the handcuffs for instance, had they not been clamped down upon my wrist while a cop beat me senseless how else would i have would i have realized the power of injustice? and air bubbles, if they had not creeped into my friend seans last injection then his heart wouldnt have stopped during his last heroin taste. the good lord leaves many signs for me to heed, these followers would attest, i just choose to ignore them.

and maybe i do. i still swig liquor in the back of strange alleyways when i feel its most convenient and if someone offered me the spike im sure i wouldnt turn down a little taste just for kicks [to say i did it again, that i still wasnt afraid]. my hands grow terribly idle, which everybody knows is the devils work. if my neighbors wife would allow, i would totally covet her, and in my opinion suicide can sometimes be a reasonable out. so maybe they would be right. maybe i DO choose not to heed the signs given by our great holy savior. maybe that is why the lord never talks to me.

meh. whatever.