gettin it over with

Blog [icily]: oh hello jon, nice of you to join us.

me: hey whats up. yeah, sorry ive been so distant recently.. you know... been super busy with school stuff and work and my friend sam came through for the weekend, it was his birth-

Blog: yeah whatever. i dont need any excuses

me: excuses? what? whats wrong?

Blog: nothing. nothings wrong. just forget it.

me: yes there is, i can tell. somethings wrong. tell me.

Blog: i told you. forget it. nothings wrong. im fine.

me: [sighs] so what, you are just going to act cold to me. its been what- a week since we last saw eachother? and this is what i come back to. a cold, passive aggressive-

Blog: thats right jon its been a week! a whole fucking week! and you couldnt post anything? not even a funny picture or a clever anecdote from your childhood? huh? you had nothing to say, thats what youre telling me? a whole week and nothing. youre friend came to town and what, there wasnt anything to say about it? nothing of any note happened? is that what your telling me?

me: its not that ive just been-

Blog: busy. yeah, i know. ive heard it before. youre always 'busy.' pfft. whatever asshole. and what, if you couldnt post then i guess you couldnt read me either. is that right? you cant even read me? you cant just check on me to see if im still up?

me: nah baby. i love reading you. and i love posting up on you. i love to update you baby. its one of the only things i truly care about.

Blog: then why dont you?!? jesus christ jon dont you know how this makes me feel? you dont even read me! you dont even look at me let alone update everyonce in a while. do you even understand how that makes ME FEEL? [sobbing] whats wrong? what? are you ashamed of me? is that it?

me: no no no. not at all. im proud of you. i think youre wonderful.

Blog: then why dont you act like it every once in a while? we hardly spend any time together anymore. you used to update me every day. everyday jon. now its what, once a week, twice if im lucky?!

me: [sighs] look, this weekend ill give you a nice long update. ill talk about sam coming to town, alex canceling the WMC party, how school is going, hookers, drugs, paranoia, everything. ill even post a few hot asses. ok?

Blog: [sniff] you promise?

me: yeah baby. i promise.

Blog: big brazilian asses?

me: huge, round, magical asses of every race.

Blog: ok.

me: now, i have to get to work. ill see you soon ok? and here, here is a little gift to tide you over till then.


do these shorts make my ass look fat?

Blog: thanks.