Monday, January 24, 2005

6 things and a zorro mask

[after a brief exchange with super cool cyberbombshell blogger friend Saydizzle ive determined i am fine with the previous post and was over reacting because i actually got (gasp) personal. i dealt with it, now you deal with it.]

1. Women do not think its a compliment when you say, "damn girl, if you were a gerbil i would TOTALLY put you up my ass!" they actually get kind of offended. if you find a woman who doesnt get offended by that comment, bound and gag her then lock her in your basement. shes a keeper.

2. its fun to emphasize a statement by adding "the shit" to it. for instance, saying "im gonna ride the shit outta the subway to work," is much more fun than saying, "im gonna take the subway to work." here are some other examples: im gonna type the shit out of this update. im gonna eat the shit outta that bran muffin. im gonna drink the shit outta this coffee. and the obvious and most coveted use of The Shit would be, when excusing yourself to the bathroom, "Im gonna shit the shit outta this shit." try it, its a joy.

3. i dont care how well versed the British are when it comes to old american soul and funk, they do not have a clue what good hip hop is. also, calling your freind "mate" and your cigarettes "fag" is hella gay. [in addition, americans that say "cheers" instead of thanks need to be disemboweled with an unwashed shoe-horn. i dont care if you hear me using british phrases like "the way forward" when reffering to something that is cool and "whats the score" when asking what the situation is. i am much less clueless than you for one, and two, saying "cheers" instead of good-bye or thanks is just stupid and annoying. stop already, YOU ARE NOT BRITISH, i dont care how many Oasis bootlegs you have]

4. im a total biter. there was a time when i would deny that i was bitin your style but the new jon, the jon of the '05, embraces that he bites your shit. if your shit is cool, im BITIN sucka. thats all there is too it. this fool knows what im sayin. i be biting the shit outta that fool. but whatever, cuz jon of the '05 also doesnt care if you bite his shit. go ahead bitches, bite it. i prolly already bitten what your bitin from some other cooler, hipper, more creative chump anyway.

5. if i were a NBA player or an R&B singer, rest assured i would be ass plunging and pissing on the backs of nubile young women around the nation, but i would be smart enough not to video tape it. actually when i think about it again, i would TOTALLY video tape it, who am i kidding?

6. having six things to say is better than five.


out.

1 Comments:

Blogger backspacer said...

funny, i thought your last post was one of your best ones so far.

12:45 PM EST  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Creative Commons License
:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.