its not my day.

from the moment i woke up ive been deeply involved in some weird existential crisis. i woke up to the question 'why?' and its haunted me all day.

i got to work and there is a snarky fax waiting on my desk.

"please take the time to review this request. we do not enjoy refaxing and refaxing our request. thank you"

why the 'tude dude? and why does it affect me?

there is no amount of cigarettes, no amount of coffee, no amount of vodka or scotch or weed or any other chemical cover up that will relieve me of todays dread. no joke. no song. no pretty face. nothing. and i dont know why. but yet that is the question that torments me. why? why? why?

tuesday. tuesday has always been an empty black space in the calander. it is unpredictable and random. tuesday is the one day of the week you enter blind. you have no idea what tuesday will bring. tuesday can be filled with magic one week and plagued with worry the next.

[i remember taking it til tuesday. that was what my friend called it back in the day: taking it til tuesday. start friday and burn right on through until its tuesday morning and you are in the same sweaty clothes on a bed in a downtown hotel room smoking meth with a mexican trannie named Darla. those were dark and dirty, dire days. way behind me, in a different age.]

this tuesday is NOT being polite. this tuesday hates me. it doesnt care that im a record exec or a student or that i can be witty and understanding this tuesday wont notice that i work hard and that im trying that i swear im trying this tuesday isnt my friend it isnt going to squeeze my hand and ask me why im so quiet and if i need to talk its not going to offer any advice or solutions this tuesday doesnt care. about my past or my future. this tuesday doesnt even know who i am. this tuesday sucks but i couldnt tell you why i can only ask and wish that the ghost of monday past would take its hand from my throat so i could stop choking.