i should be writing every day. its an exercise. its supposed to help me write better. i don't think its working.
i just got off the phone with a friend who is going through a break up with his wife. she found another man. its been pretty hard on him.
that's putting it lightly.
whats really going on is he broke up with her, and then a few months later realized he really wanted her. in that interim she found another guy and she fell in love. they had been together for twelve years. they had been apart about six months. but that six months might as well have been forever.
he begged for her back. and she eventually came. but she never really left the other guy. she still felt feelings for him. she didn't let him go. and my friend knew it.
he would check her email to see if she had contacted him, the other guy. and for a while she had. but then he said, the communication stopped. she no longer sent any emails. she know longer received them. but he still felt that fear. the paranoia still gnawed at him. he still checked up on her every now and again. and he still couldn't sleep. he was always tossing and turning.
it was unhealthy. it was wrong. foul. but i bit my tongue. i know what it is to feel desperation for someone. i know how weak we can get. i didn't tell him he was slowly sinking. i didn't tell him he was would be in this constant mourning for some death that would never come. i just let him move on with it. i hoped for the best.
it didn't come.
he came home tonight (and might i add a heartbreaking detail: he had found this really rare DVD she wanted and bought it and gift wrapped it with some random cute toys or chocolates or some shit with a big bow and a card that said "ill always love my valentine" TWO WEEKS AFTER VALENTINES DAY because its more romantic when its a surprise) and saw on the computer an email composition from her to that other guy. i don't know what it said in detail, but this was the straw.
she didn't deny it. she admitted she was confused. i don't believe it was out of anything malicious, but it definitely was a form of sabotage. she wanted him to find it. she wanted the matter to be out there. he asked her to tell her what she really wanted to do. she couldn't tell him. she said she didn't know.
he made the decision for her. he packed a bag, booked a hotel, and left her there to figure out if what he had decided for her was what she wanted.
now he is at a hotel watching television very loud and hes drinking and thinking and in this circumstance that ain't a good combination. he has decided he needs to go home and he has a flight booked for tomorrow morning. Ive been on the phone with him off and on again since i started this post.
UPDATE: he has decided that he is not going home and is going to back to his house to face her for reasons beyond to either of us or any reason! christ, i started this post with a totally different tone and now its become Days of Our Lives!