Carpe Diem

My friend Anngie is in town from San Francisco. She called me last night trying to get me out of the house and onto a subway train headed to queens for this free party on a beach. I was in my sweats and a t-shirt, sprawled out on the couch. I had embraced the laziness of the day, I was already too involved with it. I was hard pressed to get off my ass to take a piss let alone climb into some clothes and cross the boroughs. I made some excuses and said id call her back.

Of course I didn’t. I waited until midnight and sent her a text message saying that I couldn’t find a ride and was sorry. Really I was on the couch watching Soul Plane and drinking a beer. She didn’t text back but I’m sure she already knew I was gonna bail. She’s a clever girl. She knows the score. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

Besides, I’d already hung out with her the night before, at a top floor apartment in union square. It was my friend Theo’s parents place, a one bedroom that might as well have had a sign on the door reading: NO ROOM FOR RETURNING CHILDREN. The view took in the scope of the entire west side, at night the buildings looked like shadows with holes of light in them. There was a huge bottle of gin and some ginger ale and tonic. A lively conversation about old school hip hop got every one excited (a small group of artist, record industry folks, magazine cats, and shy friends were the make up of this soiree) and I tried making a point without sloshing my drink on the rug.

We all went up to the roof and gazed at the city and the sky behind it. A few of us smoked cigarettes. Everyone had a drink in their hand. I talked with Anngie and her friend Vanessa and tried to be quick witted and succeeded some of the time, but not all. After a while we all went downstairs to refill our glasses. A few people left and someone put on a cd by a rock band I’d never heard of. I made my drinks strong and was hardly nervous at all. Anngie left after a few hours and she took her friend Vanessa with her, I told her we’d hang out again before she left and I really thought I was telling the truth when I said it.

Last night when she called though, I had already surrendered to wasting the day and night away. I’d done my laundry (which is still in a pile on my bed, where it will sit until I decide to put it away, which probably wont be until the last hour before my girlfriend gets home. Until then ill sleep on the couch), I’d gone to the store to get whatever food I would need (peanut butter, jelly, and wheat bread), I had two horror movies on the coffee table (Saw 2 and Final Destination 3) and a fat sack of weed sitting next to them. I dare something to act as more tempting a seductress. She never even had a chance.

Today the sky is dark and gray, kind of gloomy. It’s raining a little too, so I doubt she calls and wants to get together. I don’t know if I can be bothered today anyway. With weather like this and the way I feel, old and tired, on the verge of sickness, I think I’d rather watch more bad movies and drink water and smoke weed. I just want my apartment to be a womb, i'm not ready to be born yet. I don’t want to face life. Not today. Maybe tomorrow, when the sky is bluer and I know my girlfriend is coming home and the city is open and I feel I have a chance. I just want to put myself back together a bit. I need some time to heal. I’ll see her pretty face again, and make her giggle a few more times. She’s in town for a week or so, I’ll make an effort next time. I promise.