Wednesday, January 11, 2006

los angeles dailies no. 1

Things ive peeped since i arrived in LA:

Marilyn Monroe high on cocaine before the orgy. Head thrown back, mouth parted open, beaming for the camera.

Another waterfall sliding down a pane of glass into a pool made of designer stone. Some asshole in a tight silk button up telling this wide eyed chick in a Wisconsin University sweatshirt that his uncle had one just like it at his house in Santa Monica.

this Mexican dude leaning on the counter at the Pink Dot, getting Marlboro Reds and orange juice then some generic Viagra as an impulse buy.


im in my hotel at noon and watching jerry springer, a few have things stuck out in the 15 minutes its been on

1) the ding ding ding sound when people start to fight. 

2) two girls were fighting over this one dude [who looked like he owned a
 minitruck], both blond, skanky hoes i would totally bone if given the chance. anyway, the dude is telling his ex girlfriend that he no longer wants her, that
 its over between them, and that she needs to accept this. he points to the other girl [the new girlfriend] and says, "i want to be with her now." new girlfriend promptly responds to this by lifting her shirt and shaking her
boobies all girls-gone-wild style. it was awesome.

3) this one guy explaining to his wife that he has been cheating on her with her brother. he emphasizes that he is no longer attracted to her, and that it will never work. she replies to this insightful bit of information with: well how can you not think i look good but think my brother looks good? he patiently tells her that it is because she is a woman, and he is no longer attracted to women, but has instead a fond preference for men, specifically their cock. she counters this logic with: how you gonna be a
 redneck and be gay at the same time? he had no answer for that one.

4) at one point the crowd started chanting, in their infamous chant rhythm, YOU
 ARE GAY! YOU ARE GAY! but not to the gay dude, to the minitruck dude. minitruck 
dude took off his shirt so he was bare chested and challenged to fight the entire audience. The security guards stopped that little riot from getting out of hand by placing their palms firmly on minitruck dudes naked chest and slowly shaking their head. it was a very zen moment. If yoda were a jerry springer security guard, I imagine that’s how he would enforce the rules. In any case, i thought it was weird they would chant "you are gay," i mean,
thats kinda offensive, don’t ya think?


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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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