Tuesday, October 04, 2005

a new leaf

im switching to wine and spirits permanently. thats it. im done with beer.

no one will notice, of course, save those closest to me. if you are just one of the many people that i find myself circulating through, than you are probably are familiar, however vaguely, with my desperate lust for booze and such, but you wouldnt have placed me in the beer category. you would have just politely dismissed me as a playful alcoholic, unafraid of any cocktail, and with a penchant for adventure in his gullet. beer, while utilitarian, would ultimately seem tame.

but those on my team, on my squad, my soldiers, my platoon, they know the score. they catch me cracking tops on the daily. slamming pint glasses down. tapping kegs [then, of course, that ass] and shit. they see the bottle build up in my recycling bin. they pick me up six packs on the way to the palace. they will definitely notice the switch.

they'll applaud my decision. and i'll bow graciously. but we all know ill be broke and twisting a cap off eventually. for now though, im gonna bask in the subtle step in maturity ive accomplished. im gonna accept the role of a *wine guy*

first i need to get a blazer. then a couple of turtlnecks and a big pack of argyle socks. then i gotta shave and get a haircut. then find a nice, inexpensive, leather briefcase. maybe i'll try out some non prescription glasses. hey, if im gonna accept the role as a wine guy i gotta look the part. and this is how a wine guy looks, no?

i suppose im gonna have to get some nora jones albums. maybe i know a guy at the label that puts her out. what label is that anyway? i dont know. i guess im gonna have to start doing some research. and hey, maybe i should just fully start listening to jazz.

actually, im not to easy with that idea.

i mean, i like jazz and all, its cool. i can dig it. but it goes so deep. its just too much of a project. i gotta lot of weed smoking and being lazy time i have to fill, i dont think i have room in my schedule to get into jazz. maybe i can can just learn up on 10,000 Maniacs or Amy Grant. that should get me through conversation at the many wine and cheese parties im sure to attend. you know, since im now a badge wearing wine guy and all.

in any case, this is gonna be awesome. i cant wait to see how i look in a v-neck sweater! im going to go to the store buy an issue of Home and Garden, it'll go perfect with this riesling.


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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.