Tuesday, October 11, 2005

earthquake weather


when the earthquake of '89 hit the bay area i was on the couch at a friends house. we were watching tv, switching between bad r&b videos and the world series. my friend was laid up with a torn ligament in his knee so he couldnt really move. i, on the other hand, could only count my outfit as a handicap, and even then, Hammer pants had a lot of room to move in them, so in a way my fashion sense was an asset.

it started slowly. a low, steady rumble that rattled the pictures on his mantle piece. i had been through earthquakes before so paid it only a minor bit of attention. besides, i was watching videos, and was pretty focused on Lisa Lisa's ass [she was wondering if i'd take her home and fill her with love and i was totally prepared to oblige] so didnt really pay much attention to the sudden tremor.

but then it grew, not too unlike my adolescent penis while picturing all the naughty, late 80's sex tricks Lisa Lisa surely would perform on me once i got her back to my place. my friend, who was on the phone [with yet another girl i had a desperate crush on], started to look concerned. the shaking wasnt really hard yet but it was still growing stronger and had gone on longer than any other earthquake i had yet experienced in my short lifetime. slowly but surely, this was becoming the real deal.

after a few shaky seconds and a few fallen photographs i decided it was in my best interest to make for under the dining room table. so i took one last glance at Lisa Lisa's fat, round bootay then bolted for a safe spot. at the last minute i remembered my friend on the couch and realized with the cast and the torn ligament and the hypnotizing affect of Lisa Lisa's jiggling glutes on the tv screen, he had no way of getting out of harms way.

so i quickly jumped from under the table in full heroic mode [luckily enough my danicing jig outfit came complete with cape] only to see this kid, fueled by fear and instinct, hobbling to the doorway like he was barry bonds and it was homeplate. seeing that things were fairly sorted with him i got my punk ass back under the table and waited out the rest of the quake.

when it was over everyone in the neighborhood emerged from their homes cautiously. they walked out into the autumn evening and looked at one another. there was confusion and shock and the sheen of terror fading from their eyes. they stood on their lawns with a dumb and exhausted look on their faces. it fit perfectly in the suburban silence that hung pleasantly in the earthquakes aftermath. it was only a matter of time before we all asked each other the same, stupid question: did you feel that?

nobody i knew was hurt. hell, no one i knew even had any damage done to their house. save a few fallen pictures, the only tragedy i learned of was that the quarterback for our highschool football team was taking a dump when it hit, with all the shaking and rattling in that port-o-pottie he never had a chance. he drowned in the filth of 52 teenagers. RIP homie.

but this earthquake in Pakistan is ridiculous. their saying the death toll may reach 40,ooo. 40k! thats like, half the readers of this blog! its insane! my heart goes out to the pakistani's that arent lucky enough to have strong doorways, sturdy dining room tables, video music box or Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam. for real real, not for play play.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.