Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Gloria Gaynor Got Gypped and a list

keep clicking.

the other day i had an epic session with the TV. it was severe, i aint lyin. i woke up at 10:30 and was on the couch by 10:32, remote in hand, sprawl in full effect. i watched the entire VH1 "Greatest 100 One Hit Wonders" marathon. it was like 6 hours long. i didnt move an inch all the way through it. try to chill like that, tricks.

the marathon itself was kinda anticlimactic. the number 1 Greatest One Hit Wonder of all time turned out to be whoever those two old latin dudes were that made the song "Macarena." what a fuckin gyp. sure, put that song on the list, but how does that beat out "I will Survive" or "It Takes 2"? and where the hell was "I Will Survive" on that countdown anyway? it wasnt in the top ten and i dont remember it in the other top 86 i saw. if there is one artist whos entire career was built upon one song its Gloria Gaynor. i DARE you to name another one of her songs. thats it for her. and its fine, because its a good song that still sounds good today. so bully for Gloria, she gets to rest easy on the spoils of her lone anthem of female empowerment. i aint gonna hate. but c'mon, shes still a One Hit Wonder. where was she on the list, you stupid child molesting perverts at VH1?

"Tainted Love" was number 2. and i forget the other 94 places, but remember some of the songs. one of them, one that i didnt even like when it was out and definitely dont like today, was in my head when i woke up this morning. it was that song "Dont Wanna Fall In Love," by Jane Child. god damn that song creeped me out. maybe it was her white girl cornrows in the video that went down to the back of her knees. or maybe it was that a girl that wore the standard uniform of a "unique" individual [patched up trench coat and a ripped t-shirt with dirty jeans and combat boots. a piercing in her nose that was chained to another in her ear. white girl corn rows. a mohawk] was singing such a bland pop song. it wasnt even a good pop song. it made me kinda queasy when i heard it.

my vagina owns you.

in any case, i woke up and it was in my head. god damn it really chafed my anus too, which was a real bitch because i have a very tender anus that doesnt agree with any sort of chafing. what made it even worse was that i completely knew the lyrics to the chorus. which was the only part of the song in my head. i dont know how i knew the lyrics as i am positive that i would turn any radio station or video channel once the openning bars of that nauseating dissonance came on. yet, i knew the whole chorus as if i had lip synced it at my junior high talent show. god damn you Jane Child for making such a horribly catchy ditty in the late 80's!! god damn you to hell!!!!

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i was just thinking about one hit wonders and thought of a quick ten in hip hop. there are plenty more than ten, what with all the Redhead Kingpins, and Van Full Of Pakistans out there, but ten was quick and i guess the standard amount in a proper list. it makes no sense, but here they are:
Jons Top Ten Hip Hop One Hit Wonders

10. Skeelo - "I wish I was a little bit Taller" - I'm sure you do little guy
9. Candyman - "Knockin' Boots" - Songs that co-opt the popularity of a trendy phrase are lame.
8. Ahmad - "Back in the Day" - this song was kinda gay but ill give it to him for dropping that verse on "Come Widdit" from the Street Fighter soundtrack. plus it was pretty popular in its time.
7. Black Rob - "Whoa" - yeah, one second youre the next Bad Boy star then Whoa, suddenly youre forgotten
6. Craig Mack - "Flava in Ya ear" - i wonder if craig mack and black rob got an apartment together and make it a point to not invite diddy over.
5. Boss - "Deeper" - she flipped that black uhuru sample and almost sounded gangsta for a bit, then gangsta rap started to wane so she went back to school to be an OBGYN.
4. Goodie Mob- "Whos that Looking in my Window" - i dont care how many songs they have that you know all the lyrics to, this is their only hit.
3. MC Breed - "Aint no Future in Your Frontin" - This song would kill the club if fools played it today. and oh yeah, you were wrong, there was some future in it.
2. East Flatbush Project - "Tried By Twelve" - a classic. no arguments, please.
1. Mos Def - "Ms. Fat Booty" - Thats right. Eat it.

i know. list suck ass. but im off work and bored as fuck. you got something better for me to waste my time on?


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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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