all this then

so the strangest thing happened last night...

i got home pretty late, but she wasnt here. she went out with friends and wasnt home yet. thats normal.

i ate some chips, watched some tv, and passed out on the couch. i woke up at about 530 and the pale blue-gray of dawn was beginning to rise outside the windows. i picked up the plate i had and the empty bag of chips and went to the kitchen to clean up a little. there is a sliding door that stands between the bedroom and the front room, it was closed.

thats weird, i thought. we never close that door.

in the front room is a couch that basically miles and sophie took over. i figured maybe she came home and passed out on it. i slide open the door and on the couch i see two people jump up, one slightly jumping off the other.

whats all this, then? im thinking.

her and this guy ive never seen before are sitting there. she says hi and the guy stays quiet and is staring at the floor and i continue pass them to the kitchen, only saying, -so whats going on? ive never seen such guilt in two people sitting still.

the guy immediately gets up and starts unlocking the door to leave. she sits there half sprawled, her legs drunkenly crossed beneath her clean white skirt. shes saying nothing. because im an asshole i smile and say to the guy, -where ya going dude? stick around.

he muttered something about the light in the sky and needing to to head home and the whole time he looked at the floor and not me. sophie jumped onto a windowsill and i stroked her and she purred and her tail stood up all puffy with excitement.

-right, i said. she ask me about an apartment i was looking at and her voice cracks and slurs. the guy opens the door and slips out and i walk over and close it behind him. i dont answer her question i just sit down next to her and sigh.

-really? i ask, really?

she says he is a friend of hers from hawaii and i can tell shes trying with everything in her not to roll her eyes back and pass out. -we were just hanging out, she says.

miles crawled on the arm of the couch and starts to claw and scratch at it like it called him a dirty name. i sat there and thought about it for a second and the yellow of morning began to bleed into the room. she put her head in her arm and leaned on the back of the couch. all i could hear were bird songs everywhere outside. her breathing heavy and drunk.

-right, i sighed. then i got up and went back to the living room couch and watched tv before i fell asleep.

the thing is, i understood. id been there. and there was no anger or jealousy, just this sad understanding. this melancholy empathy, between us. we spent tonight eating burgers and watching television. i laughed at a joke she told and we hugged and kissed before she went to bed. what a strange age we are going through.