goings on

this is when you know for sure that your girlfriend is out of town.

you're drunk and perusing the internet. its 3am and all the lights in the house are on. the doors are wide open and you're chain smoking cigarettes. you havent lit one stick of incense. not even the scented candle. you are blowing smoke into all the rooms. all willy nilly.

you drift into your bookmarks menu after reading (yet) an(other) article about the state of popular culture. you're looking for entertainment. you still got a buzz going, and you want a little something to excite you again. you merge into your randy folder. the one with all the ladies.

you dont close the door to your office. you dont lower the volume on your monitor.

you start watching porno clips. initially, just to watch them. to see whats new in the world of free internet pr0n. which new previews are available. which new girls look vaguely familiar. you stumble across a clip that strikes a nerve. it says something to you. to your past or your future or maybe just the fantasies in your head. you dont know. but you know that things are going to happen. and they are going to happen soon.

things.

you dont close the door to your office. you dont lower the volume on your monitor.

you undo your jeans. you unbuckle your belt and unzip your zipper. you take it out. it. you rewind the clip a little. you put it in your hand. you shoo the cat from your desk. you take a sip from your beer. you think of lighting a cigarette first. to hold back a little. you're trying to be patient. you have all the time in the world. you take your hand from it and roll a cigarette with your now penis-ey hand. you light it. you let the clip play a little. watching it a bit. you blow the smoke into the ceiling instead of out the window.

you dont close the door to your office. you dont lower the volume on your monitor.

you put it back in your hand and let the things happen that will happen. you dont grab a towel before and dont reach for one during. and after it doesnt matter. you go to zip back up your jeans before heading to wherever and decide, fuck it, and leave them undone. then you walk to the kitchen to grab your grilled cheese and bacon sandwich so you can eat it while watching South Park with the television volume so high its stupid.

plus, you miss her.