about to crack

the steps were dark and icy and almost hidden in the nights limited light. i was on the phone and i was talking to a person i dont remember anymore. a person lost in the waters of yesterday. i was taking the steps slow and gingerly. the phone was on my ear and a voice was coming from the receiver. i forget what the voice was saying.

it wasnt that id gotten a new job. one that paid me a comfortable sum monthly, and offered full health benefits. that didnt demand all my time nor bore me with tedium. and that positioned its self in my schedule with humble generosity, only asking that the duties at hand get done, but at my leisure, of course. it wasnt that there was something inspiring about to occur, or that something inspiring had already occurred. there was no new sensations to be explored. no reason to get excited. it wasnt about anything of great significance, if it were i can only beg that id remember.

but as it droned on in my ear i felt my foot give way beneath me. it was so sudden that by the time i realized i was going to fall, i had already fallen half way down. i was behind the universe by a fraction of a second.

it was then i thought about my back. i have a deep concern for my precious spine. you only get one. i envisioned a howl of pain and then the long wait for help, crumpled on the street in the cold stillness of winter. my spine is already fragile, the only refurbished element of my brittle skeleton. with an unfortunate inch in one direction or another, it could come up the loser in battle of collapse. i would have to wear a bag on my leg that collected my involuntary bowel movements. a shitbag. i have no health insurance and there is no way id get paid leave from work. id lose my apartment. id go into a most debilitating debt, with hospital bills on top of normal bills and my now stolen student loan dwindling quickly. my future would be permanently handicapped, as would i.

i twisted, opting to break a rib if breaking anything. i threw my arm out, grasping for the railing. i bent my other arm and broke the fall with my elbow. then i slid down the the stairs on my butt.

i assed my body, my bones, as i sat there. my breath coming out like thick smokey plumes in the air. i was alright. there was minimal damage, if any. i let out a sigh and tried hoisting myself up with one arm while returning to the phone call with the other. i made it. but damn.

my cell phone screen is broken and my assbone hurts like hell.