random mumblings while drunk

im coming up with nothing this morning, so i went to my blank page to see if i could find any inspiration. i couldnt. i just found a bunch of drunken mutters. its interesting to see just what comes out when i type with no reason. anyway, im gonna clear the canvas and decided id post the bit o' shit i'd written because at least its a little honest. ill try to decode what it is as i meant or where i was coming from as we go along. here goes:

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Oh blank page,
Blank page waiting.
Such a clear head,
nothing’s bothering you.

clearly i was trying to write and nothing was coming out. sometimes its not that i dont have anything to write, its just that i dont WANT to write what i have to say.

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The steep climbs and descents

Looking out over the marina from the top of a hill in pacific heights and pointing at the houses and oohing and ahhing

Walking into a walgreens and always looking at the candy and thinking of buying some but never doing it, until one day when you splurge and you buy everything you’ve ever wanted and you eat it greedily and you’re sick after.

Making up the poetry as you go along. attaching meaning to every moment, even the ones that have none; those meaning the most of all.

Tangled in the arms of a stranger, a whore, your best friend.

Punctuating every sensation with a period. Learning to feel dead inside.

Trolling through the tenderloin with your eyes exploding from their sockets and beads of sweat on the back of your neck and your chest and balls. Looking everyone in the eye or almost every one at least. Asking with your brows and your chin and your determined hunch. Asking for whatever it is they have because you want it almost anything. Drugs sex disease a story a secret something.

all this was written over the course of a few days when i got back from san francisco. i think i was just trying to capture whatever sensation i had when thinking of the city. most are half memories, half impulses. i think i was just letting my mind drift to a different age and seeing what brief snatches of feeling i could gather. it reads like an instructional manual for being me at the age of 25. while writing all these i was actually writing full post as well. or at least attempts at full post.

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in any case, i will hopefully post again today because i missed yesterday. ive got to finish a paper and get together my records for a gig tomorrow, but i might be able to squeeze something in.