secret bonds

have you ever masturbated in a bathroom? how about in a bathroom at work? i have. i mean, i trust we all have, havent we? isnt it fairly natural for everyone to have, at some point in time, been in the situation where they could no longer resist the urge for release and quietly retreated to an empty stall for a quick tug of the tube or flip of the bean? its not that serious a crime. a little private pleasuring, no harm done. i ask because a friend of mine divulged to me that he partook in such activities, and he was shocked when i calmly admitted that i too, exercised these notions. as if we were of some exclusive club of closet perverts. like there would be an underground genre of porno, made largely in the netherlands, dedicated to our small society of restroom deviants. why so shocked? i asked, everybody does it.

they do, right?

now dont get all up in arms about it, its not as if i soil the floor of every latrine i visit with a puddle of my unborn babies. no, that isnt the case. its a very rare occasion that i absolutely MUST get off while at an office or, in even rarer cases, on an airplane [oh come on! you know you have thought about it, if not done it yourself]. and its not like im in there having some cracked out marathon masturbation session while a line forms outside the stall. its all very quick and, i swear to you, clean. i wash my hands afterwards. twice. and i go about my business after, feeling much less anxious and much more at ease. i havent done it many times. but ive done it. so there, its all out in the open. take it as you will.

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benji b's show was proper listening this week. you should all check it out. heavy beats, that one.

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there is a concept of family that i have reservations about. this concept is not from a bond by blood or lineage, but born born from a trust between people. It is one that is more intimate than mere friendship, one that stays up late crying into a shot glass with you and always answers the phone when you call. one that promises. promises its time and sympathy and to be silent when you need a moment. promises genuine concern about the minor issues in your life. one that promises not the world, because thats impossible, but themselves, because thats all they have to offer. one that stands witness to your trials, always in your corner, no matter what. one that will take the fall for you, if it has to. one that expects the same in return.

i dont know how i feel about it. sometimes this concept is taken for granted by people. or abused, as it is. used as a trick of manipulation. a preemptive pardon for any emotional duress they may put you through. forcing an inherent forgiveness in the relationship. mercy for all acts, no matter the treachery. i understand that we all have a chosen family, but does this mean i must tolerate all of a persons flaws? must i accept that we have an unshakable bond? that we are, for better or for worse, stuck together? i mean, even blood relatives disown each other. hell, im living proof of that. i dont know. people annoy me. sometimes i just wish they would get off my back.

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and now to roll a spliff, enjoy the rumble of the radio, and let the incense wash my sins.