more tomorrow.

at the end, will this have all been some stupid cry for attention?

at the corner of my desk is a jury summons. it is one sheet of paper folded into a letter shaped affair, with a large pink stripe racing across the front bearing the bold white legend, IMPORTANT: JURY SUMMONS ENCLOSED.

she just throws them out. -ill say i never got it, she says, then she adds, -if i have to. and we never mention it again. its just another part of a history forgotten. a thing that happened that you dont remember what.

i get mine and i call the county clerk and i ask when i should be there and if maybe i can reschedule. i say i work odd hours and i say im in school and i say i just had surgery and i say but if i really need to though, ill be there, no problem. i try to play it as if im on their side, and it pains me to not make it. the receptionist on the other end has heard it all before though, and i can hear her staring into space as i give my weak excuses. she doesnt know who i am and she doesnt care to. if im there im there. if im not im on the list of people who were not there. either way, i can do what i will. there is another call coming in and its equally as important. good bye.

so now im due to hit the courthouse. now i have an actual meeting for me to wait. i would skip it. i would forget it, like her. but i figure it is just part of modern society. it is my place to be eligible for jury duty. i work. i pay taxes. it confirms my station in life to be acknowledged by the state. some of us arent. some of us are the ghost that haunt the streets; the words that are spoken and not written down. some of us are just memories that no one wants to bring up. some of us dont matter to the rest of us. and the rest of us, well, They want our vote.

thing is, if i have to be there, its got to be at 8:30 am. i dont even know when 8:30 am is. i thought it was some mythological time from way back in the future. what even goes on at 8:30? is that when they change the adverts on the subway? is it when the hybrid cars get filled with gas? who walks the streets at 8:30 am? are they pleasant? are they grumpy? is it even safe?

so i gotta come up with another one for the people. i good one. one they can trust.

one less drunk. less tired. less tonight.

more tomorrow.

oh. and i have a shitload of new links to add. cool people with cool things to add to your already too cool lives. cool stuff. for reals.