Tuesday, August 08, 2006

sleepy limbs


I find it incredibly easy to not do something. I don’t need to have any arguments or excuses, I can just not do it without any reason at all.

I just leave it be. I let it sit.

Sit little duty. Sit.

It’s not so much as a lack of energy, an example of laziness, or an act of procrastination. It’s more like a talent. I can have something to do. Something simple, maybe even enjoyable, and I just don’t do it.

Sometimes I do other things instead, like right now I’m writing this post, and sometimes I read a book or listen to music, but mostly I just sit there and absorb silence, or rather the sounds that make up my silence.

The hum of an air conditioner. Radios blaring from the trunks of cars. A plane flying overhead. The buzz of many different conversations. The street being smashed. Curse words and accusations. 50 cent. Gnarles Barkley. Traffic. Sirens.

I listen by tuning it out. And I stare at the wall or the floor or my hands, which are sometimes wet and clammy. I watch the sheen of sweat at my fingertips swell and slide into my palm. I watch my hands prune, aging before my eyes.

I sometimes wait. For what I'm not sure. Maybe a phone call or an email or a text message. Maybe for the mail to be delivered. Maybe until the last minute. Maybe until I think it’s an appropriate time to have a cocktail.

I sit there staring at my hands and waiting, but honestly I don’t think I care if anything arrives. I’m just waiting so that I have a modicum of purpose while I do nothing. Nothing at all.

I bet if I let go of the waiting I’ll reach some kind of zen-like enlightenment. I’ll find comfort in the blank canvass that is my existence. I’ll be free from stress, worry, and age. The burdens of engagement will unlock their vicious grip from my precious, precious hours of emptiness.

That would really bug my girlfriend though.

In fact, it would probably annoy New York City on a whole.

Which, in turn, would annoy me, and totally ruin my zen-like vibe.

I know I have things to get done, and I know they eventually will get done, but I’m not doing them, not now anyway. I’ll get to them though. Get off my back. Sheesh.

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i've added some new people to my link list. I didnt even asked to be linked back either, they just seemed kind of cool so i added them. what? Sweaty Blistered Sneaker Toe has a lot of amazing pictures and some pretty words to accompany them, lest they get lonely. The Daily Dump is written by this young, confident New York dood with a pretty wicked sense of humour. The Chronicle of Wasted Time is one of those "most excellent" sites held down by some clever gal in Colorado. Shes a good writer too. Visit them all, be impressed. I'd say they were all way superior to this site. speaking of, I think im gonna spruce this site up with some html noodling. Yeah, thats what i'll do. I'll make it look really fancy, its gonna be awesome. [if you've read this entire post you'll realize that is a bold faced lie. hows it taste?]

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.