Wednesday, August 16, 2006

embracing insanity


i didnt know snooze personally. i had never met her, had never spoken to her, had never traded any emails with her. i forget how i discovered her site, but the day i did i subscribed to her entries, i was immiediately fed her words to my bloglines, so that i could pore over every sentence as they were published. ive got a button on my task bar for just such a thing, it reads, simply: OBSESS.

i have no idea what it was she had written, that would engage me so completely i would, in the make believe world of ones and zeroes, commit to her on sight. It was probably something that was honest and vulnerable and ticklish too. because thats what her site was. naked, in a way. i dont remember, i have to admit. but whatever it was she wrote, i guess i wanted to see it again. and again. and again, i guess.

shes gone though, and she took all her past with her. now she is a small, two sentence paragraph on a boring white background with splashes of orange and some gray words on the side. i didnt know her and its weird but its like shes taken herself from me, this woman ive never had. i had that old familiar hole sink inside of me, loss, when she said good bye.

and im not trying to be creepy. im not falling psycho. writing poems about her on the wall. carving her name in a tree a thousand miles from any tree she'll ever see. nah, its not like that at all. but its weird man, since she's been gone, i've felt lonelier. and i know the score, shes just a pleasant person i met on the internet. it's only, she was cool, man. she was super cool. and now shes gone. she's just a memory and its like her blog is a tombstone, and im reading it and saying to myself, 'how did this happen?'

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.