Chemical Lethargy

My head is falling back and my eyelids are heavy like pull down shades made from lead. When I yawn my mouth stretches so wide and open that if my mother saw me she would tell me to shut it or else I would start catching flies. My hands are moving slow, just like my thoughts and my blood and my heartbeat. I’m a pile of sludge right now, or maybe I’m not the sludge but a dead body being dragged through it.

Nothing is moving me faster, not two cups of coffee. Not an apple or a banana. Not 15 minutes of stretching, which is supposed to get my circulation going. Not the doorbell or the ringing phone. Not even the looming threat of time expiring. I’m just lumbering forward, eyes half open and closed, breathing slow and pushing, brain still and quiet. If I were to collapse to the floor I would lay there on its hardwood in a deathly calm, thinking about what was going on in the world and if the wind was blowing and how hard it blew.

I woke up this morning at about noon. My girlfriend was already at work, but I remembered she kept kicking me at five in the morning because I was snoring too loud. I offered to move to the living room couch so that she could get a few good hours rest but she said no just lay on your side then she put her arm around me and squeezed up to my back and a few seconds later I could hear her snoring too.

I ordered some drugs online. At one of those pharmaceutical sites you always ignore the spam from. This wasn’t from a spam though, I just googled it. I got a bottle of 30 xanax bars. I split them in half so they wont make me pass out and I can enjoy the high. I hate drugs that make me nod. Heroin, opium, Dilaudid. All time erasers. Thieves. That shits not fun to me, I like to feel more involved with chemicals. I like to be part of the party, not just a witness to it.

In any case, I was rather surprised they came so quick. I ordered them on Saturday and they arrived on Monday. I didn’t even think mail traveled that fast.

I got a lot to say about music and life and sex and pornography and space and time and lying drunk in the street but I have to get ready to leave pretty soon so that will have to wait until tomorrow.

I’m going to a happy hour then a club. There I will see people I only sort of know but will act like we've been best friends forever. I will drink a lot and try not to make a fool of myself. I will listen to music and nod my head and if at some point the night is injected with energy I will dance a little. I’m sure a lot of cigarettes will be smoked, and ill put a few peoples number into my cell phone and promise them I’ll call them later.

Probably some cute girl will catch my eye and I’ll imagine kissing her neck and squeezing her ass and fucking her from behind and her saying yes yes more harder. Probably some good looking guy will ask me a question and I’ll sit silent for a second before answering then instantly regret what I said. I'll probably by a few people drinks. I’ll probably get a few free drinks of my own. The lights will be swirling and the clouds in the sky will be sneering above me. I’ll drop and break a glass on the floor and the bartender will kick me out. Ill try to share a cab with somebody home.

I’ll have more stories, more tales of risk and incident coming soon. I have plenty of them in the arsenal, and I’m adding more and more as each hour slides by and I get more settled in my ways.

But really what you should be watching, as opposed to this silly string of words before you, is one of the greatest hip hop performance ever, and it’s on Arsenio Hall no less! Also, being as its 6-6-06, its fitting that Slayer would declare it their day. Really, it does seem typical, right? Speaking of metal, did you know they had metal on the Death Star?