bags

when it rains it pours and from the looks of it, a storm is brewing.

or perhaps its here and im soaked to the bone, so wet i cant get any wetter. and i dont feel it falling upon me anymore. is that a good or a bad thing?

and ive been through enough to know this storm will pass. the winds will push it behind me, or carry it forward where it will patiently wait.

ive had to make adjustments in myself recently. in life we reach crossroads and when you go down one road you cant go down the other. a sacrifice had to be made and sometimes those sacrifices can fill your heart with loss. this was one of those sacrifices. one for the greater good. one that threatens to stay, that you may carry with you for a long time.

and it isnt as if i dont carry with me the burdens of my past, but ive learned to cope with them, to fit them into places where they only teach me instead of beat me.

but the decision to take on this loss grinded my head into the dirt. i was shredded and lost it for a bit. and in the process of this burden i created another loss. and it seems too much to lose at one time. but perhaps this is how things were supposed to play out.

i dont make the rules and i dont think anyone else does either, they are just what they are. there is no divine parent wagging their finger at you. no ethereal force sending you signs.

its tough but right now a lot has been taken out of me. even my words are simple and plain. the words will come back though. they always do. they always do.