greater good

laying down on the cold surface with your shirt off and your pants off and wearing a paper gown with no back to it. waiting. listening to the whirr of the machine as it grinds itself into power. the ticka tacka ticka tacka of it working, of it studying you, looking inside, at your bones. searching for the poisons that are eating away at your blood and muscles and infecting your organs. you are surrounded by the machine and the noise is loud and miserable. ticka tacka ticka tacka. it is like a panic exploding in your head. you try to be patient but cant wait for it to be over. even if it is for the greater good.

***************************

you take her to the vet to get blood work and the secretary says they will call you in a couple days when the results are back. you coddle her in your arms instead of putting her in a cage. the air is cold and her fur is thin and matted but still feels warm on your cheek. you whisper in her ear that it will be ok. everything will be ok. when you get home you place her on the bed and go to the kitchen to get her food. after pouring it in the bowl you go back to your bedroom, where she still lies. hushed and unmoving. her eyes blinking slowly. she wont eat. she hasnt eaten in days. this is the end. you know it. before the vet calls back you call the vet and make an appointment. you have to put her down. you have to put her out of her misery.

**************************