i gotta cut down on smoking. its not just for my health, its for my entire being. my health i do care about, but its almost secondary to the fact that i consciously have begun to realize i smoke too much. i do it out of habit. i do it out of addiction. i do it out of boredom. i do it out of anxiety. i find myself smoking cigarette after cigarette even when i dont want a cigarette. my hands just motion to the bag, an almost involuntary act, and without even noticing ill have a freshly rolled cigarette between my lips. the flame ignites the tip. im blowing out smoke again. over and over. too much.

and too much of anything is an inevitable disaster.

my face hasnt gotten leathery, my gums arent black or brown. my lungs, im sure, are a measly beige color, but according to my last check up im in no danger or anything. i do cough a lot, but i attribute that to nerves and drinking. and im sure i am stuffier than id normally be, but i was always a sufferer of congestion, even before the pack took hold.

its not like im totally going to quit, at least not yet, but i need to cut down.