coast to coast

trip was great. california shit, and because She showed up two days after i did, in black and pink airwalks and her hair let down and her sister and her camera and her accent in tow, i did some touristy stuff i never do and rarely ever did. a visit to the art institute to see a diego rivera mural that covered the entire wall of a church, lychee martinis on the embarcadero, the view of golden gate bridge from a designated lookout point. we got drunk in the mission and i had a friend get us some cocaine and we went to the bathroom in twos and threes and did bumps off her hairclip while getting hypnotized by the graffiti. i took her to the get burritos on valencia and solicited on haight. we got stuck in traffic and listened to bay area hip hop on the radio.

i didnt plan on her being there, it just happened that way, but it turned out ok in the end.

before She got there though, i agreed to meet an ex girlfriend. one from high school. she reached out to me on facebook, married and with three kids, and wanted to hang while i was in town. we met at a bar and ended up at another. she told me she was still in love with me and it was because i left her that she'd been trapped in a miserable marriage for thirteen years. she said she fell in love with being in love, and grew desperate and latched on to the first guy that wanted her.

i stared at her blankly and sipped my jim beam and swigged my blue moon.

she told me i should have fought for her. that i should have wanted her more. she said that she didnt leave me and that i didnt leave her, but that we began to drift and i allowed it and that ultimately, because i was arrogant and self absorbed and had a short narrow focus on my future and my life, that i let her go. i let her go. that is the reason we arent together. that is the reason she is so sad.

then she tries to tell me that i dont understand what its like to be fought for because my mother never fought for me. that this is why i let her go. because i had never experienced what it felt like to be wanted so bad that a person would do anything to have me, so couldnt really appreciate it.

at this i put my drink down and stared at her. my mother did fight for me, i said, tooth and nail, always pulling me back into her life. but it was a mistake. she never should have. i was better off without her.

she said nothing to this and then slid closer to me and purred, i dont want to fight. after that i had a few more drinks and we continued on with some small talk, but i knew then and there that it was the last time id ever see her again.

that was the only hiccup. the rest of the trip was fab.

She and i went to my moms and sat by the pool and baked in the sun and i read a book and she did too. i took her there not to meet my mother but because its so out of the way we would have no other option but to relax. uncontrollable laziness. we drank coffee every morning and then beer by noon. ate a lot of fatty foods and watched a bad horror movie and had muffled sex so my mother wouldnt hear. in the early evening the temperature would drop and we would drink wine from a front lawn patio and watch the sky as it bled and bruised into night.

so this was my trip. now im back. the streets are dripping in heat. i cant tell if its good to be home or not.