Thursday, January 11, 2007

star crossed


Seeing famous people in New York is, as we new Yorkers say, no big deal. Unlike every other city in the country, save maybe Los Angeles, seeing even the most reclusive megastar is just par for the course to us, so getting excited about sitting across from say, Sarah Jessica Parker on the L train, or standing in line behind Mary J Blige at the local ghetto chicken spot is considered, to us, a huge waste of energy. There are subway fare hikes to bitch about, clearance sales at designer fashion houses to scramble for, black outs to worry over, and a myriad of other, much more important matters for us to get all wound up about. We really don’t have the time to go into a frenzy just because 2 time academy award winner Hillary Swank takes pilates lessons from our girlfriend, a more substantial concern would be that the perfect couch we finally found on craigslist is all the way in queens and going to queens is like going to jury duty, for some reason we dread it.

That was a bit of a tangent, but back to the main idea of this post. Famous people = big fucking deal. It’s to the point now where my girlfriend and I only mention the artist that we genuinely have respect for, the others are just taxpayers like the rest of us. So if she were to see Barbara Walters buying a latte and a dozen fudge brownies at Dunkin Donuts, that would hardly even register in her head. Hell, she might not even notice her. And if I were to share the same elevator as Matt Damon on the way up to an urologist, I probably wouldn’t bother telling her when I got home.

There are though, the cool people sightings that we absolutely flip out over. Here is a list of the stars we have spotted that made our blood rush a little bit faster.

Bjork- we saw her in Soho walking with her kid in a stroller. I was inclined to say something to the effect of, "you complete me," but I know how violent she can get when people approach her, especially while she’s with her offspring and decided to spare myself I brutal Icelandic beat down. She was with some friend of hers, who was dressed almost as bizarrely as she was. Their outfits looked as if they were on the way to perform in cirque de soleil but on the way to the tent got into a wicked brawl with a gang of lions. Either way, my girlfriend squealed when she noticed her and I made an awkward attempt at getting a second look by walking past Bjork and pretending to be interested in some strange amethyst bracelets in a shop window while she passed me again.

Jeffery Wright - we actually saw him during last thanksgiving, shopping with his son at the uber expensive health food store by our house. I think my girlfriend pooed her pants when she noticed it was him because at first her eyes got really wide and then a small squeak escaped from the back of her throat as her hand went up to point [and mine went up to pull hers down] and then a pained look befell her face and she said softly, "uh.. Ill meet you at home," then sort of waddled out. We brag about this to all our friends, its not every day one of the greatest actors of your generation shops at the same health food store as you, we leave out the poo part though.

We see John Turtorro all the time. He lives in the same neighborhood as us. At first it was exciting, because we love John Turturro, but now when we see him at the cafe down the block its sort of like, "dude, just order your damn green tea and move it along, we have places to go."

I saw spike lee in Chelsea on his cell phone. He was talking about the knicks and overseeing the purchase of what looked like a jungle of plastic plants. I would have tapped him on the shoulder and told him Girl 6 sucked, but he was on the phone and I didn’t want to seem rude.

And just today my girlfriend had a brief exchange with director David Lynch, which is almost too awesome to bear. She called me immediately afterward, which is a big thing for her considering between having been a waitress at multiple fine dining establishments in Manhattan and now teaching pilates to the uber rich [literally, one of her clients rents his penthouse in the time warner building to jay z and beyonce when he’s out of town], she has seen or even met pretty much every person that’s ever been mentioned on Mtv.

Apparently she walked up to him and, when she realized who he was and her words got caught in her throat, he smiled and said hi, then she said she let out this really loud and exaggerated hello, which was long and breathy and made her voice sound like a cross between a sick transvestite and a lifelong smoker with a mouthful of jellybeans. He then, seeming genuinely pleased with this reaction, waved good-bye and went along his way.

David Lynch is awesome and i'm sick of writing about stars. Ill tell you what, you should all check out pedro's broadcasting basement. Its basically Laurent Garniers record collection playing over the internet all day long. Pretty sweet eh?

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.