Thursday, August 03, 2006

Rock Star Supernova Wrap Up


I know, its totally tween of me to follow up a tired, hope for suicide drunk on sadness cry for attention post with a stupid, reality tv gullible like the rest of them inkless body post, but I’m flawed and harmless, so sue me. I have to say, no matter what anyone else believes, that the show Rock star Supernova has kept me completely satisfied this season.

I know what you’re thinking: so Jon, you mean you weren’t “thoroughly fulfilled” with last season? And by saying that you’re mocking me because that would mean I would have to admit that I watched last season too [which I did, you hipster douchebag], which isn’t even the point. What I’m saying is that I like watching people try to be rockers, and I feel I'm a pretty good judge at who is and who isn’t, which involves me somewhat with the show. I get annoyed when people I like get kicked off [which hasn’t happened yet, all the people that got the boot so far have been assrashes by a mile], and I get excited when a person I like gives a great performance. And really, it’s all about the performances.

See, these so called Rockers need to balance between a fine line of showing who they truly are and being the person that’s right for the band [who are a bunch of older, though extremely talented and proven rockers in their own right]. To be honest, I think this is quite a feat. I mean, if I felt I needed to be the singer of a band, I’d want the connection we had together to be organic. I’d want to build a sound with a band. I’d want the band to be unique, to make a statement. I wouldn’t want to simply be a voice, a vocal performance and nothing much else. I’d want to be in a band, not a band with a singer.

And this is where the show surprises me. The performances really do skate that fine line. There is some fine talent in this group. To the point where some of them I feel should just say fuck off Supernova I’m starting my own gig. I guarantee they would be bigger than Supernova would ever be. And really, what kind of band name is Supernova? Why don’t you just call yourselves High School Educated? Oh, I guess that’s because it would actually be edgy and cool if you did. That’s right, I can be a douchebag too.

Anyway, on to the wrap up, I’m going to list them by order of shoesize:

Dana Andrews: She got kicked off tonight but I figured I’d list her anyway, as a last hurrah of sorts. She actually did a kicking elimination song, it was House of the Rising Sun, which I think is by Zeppelin, but could be wrong. I was on the fence about her most of the time, she was a little too innocent, but eventually she grew on me. She had this whole “about to let loose THE ROCK" vibe about her, like at any minute she was going to get addicted to cocaine and whisky and start singing about how men keep raping her while she’s asleep. Maybe not that harsh, but at least get a good raspy blues voice going. She got kicked off though; they said she had a lot to learn, which she did. Good luck girly, and don’t get any tattoos on your face, that’s not hardcore, its ugly.

Dilana: She is actually my personal favorite. She has a low, growling voice that is at once sexy and intimidating. She has freaked all of her songs, especially a rendition of Johnny Cash’s, “Ring of Fire,” which was mesmerizing. She exemplifes what i mean by being true to yourself while being good for the band. She needs no improvement. She’s hot, has loads of soul and personality, and I think she should win, hands down.

Jill Goila: She should be singing in a bar in Sacramento.

Josh Logan: He should be singing in a bar in San Jose.

Lukas Rossi: or as he is known around my house, “Skunk Head,” bugs the shit out of me. Maybe it’s his arrogance, which isn’t such a bad thing, but it isn’t flattering on him. He just doesn’t come across as authentic, or at least I haven’t seen it. He just seems like a carbon copy of a thousand rock stars to me. Maybe he’ll be singing in a bar in LA someday. Hey, that doesn’t sound too bad, does it buddy?

Magni: that name is kinda gladiatorish. Magni. That’s a good name for a cock. Behold! MAGNI! I don’t give a shit either way about this guy. He’s ok, I guess. If he wins I’d think Supernova sucked immediately, and they would have to win me over with their music, which is pretty much impossible.

Patrice Pike: man, this chick bores the hell out of me. I mean, she’s cool and all, and she gave a great performance of Radiohead’s “My Iron Lung,” which made me feel funny things inside, but other than that she is kinda meh on all levels. See ya at the bus stop lady.

Ryan Star: Ok, first of all your name is gayer than Magni and Liberace’s combined. Plus you kinda bug with your stupid I just woke up hairdo, but you gave a brilliant performance of REM’s “Losing My Religion” so I kinda lost a lot of hate for you. It was amazing. Still, your name sucks (wasnt a chick from American idol named Ryan Star?). In any case, eat it.

Storm Large: I have to say Storm Large is the worst stage name ever, unless of course you’re a stripper in Tampa or maybe a porn star specializing in the “tornado fetish” genre, but here’s the egg on my face: it’s her real name! Man, a name can really affect the way I see a person. Even before I know them. I guess I'm kinda a namist. Go figure! Anyhow, at first I didn’t like her, because of her name, but after a few performances and some video my girlfriend found on youtube of her playing with her original band, I have to confess that she is extremely talented and I wouldn’t be mad if she won. She is pretty fucking rockin, and even though she has the look of a screen starlet, she gets down and dirty, which is key in a rock band. That being said, bravo Storm, even though you have a shitty name, I still like you. And I’m a namist!

Toby Rand: yeah I guess this guy's ok. Whatever. I've ultimately grown tired of his gruff, masculine schtick. Its like a pansy Billy Idol thing. The guy from the Killers pulls it off, but we dont need another one of him.

Zayra Alvarez: This chick is the real deal. An amazing performer, sexy as hell, and a sort of Karen O meets Bjork thing going on with her vocals. She has that Spanish accent and that punk rock fire. She should not be in Supernova, but she should be in somebody. If there is any body on this list that I know would be a brilliant rock star, it is she. I would pay money to see her. She sort of rules the school.

Well thats about it for this weeks crappy mind wasting ad free television post. I hope you learned something, and if you didnt, then read a book.

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:gray matters: by jkg is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at downtownalleys.blogspot.com.