it is no secret that i am a lazy, procrastinating, paralyzed with worry type of individual. i begin every project —no matter the size— by jumping through mental hoops, going over psychological hurdles, painstakingly reassuring myself that not only will i complete the task, but i will achieve it with mistake free ease.

putting this sort of pressure on myself adds to the procrastinating bit in my nature.

i have about ten minutes before i have to get ready for work. there is nothing in my head and nothing in my gut and nothing on the tip of my tongue.

outside there is a blue sky with a gray horizon. on my desk is a mess of loose tobacco and ashes. there are empty envelopes and bills scattered about. a half drank beer and a half drank glass of water. a bottle of xanax tipped over. the wooden part of a burned stick of incense leaning from the window.

i ramble i ramble with nada on my mind. im searching for reasons and dont know if ive found any yet. i have to go to work i dont even know what else to say