new pussy

We got some kittens. On the kitten cuteness scale [which is different than the baby cuteness, outfit cuteness, and Lucille Ball baking a cake cuteness scales] they rank a healthy 9.8. I don’t believe any kitten has ever achieved a full 10.0 rank on the kitten cuteness scale (to accomplish this they would have to not only always wear oversized sunglasses and tiny denim kitten overalls, but also use the toilet to poo and flush after), so basically my kittens are perfect.

One is black and one is a tabby, they are brother and sister. They have those supremely large kitten eyes, glowing with color and curiosity, and those wee little kitten heads that you just want to pop in your mouth and suck on like a lollipop [do not try this!!!]. They are only 2 months old, still infants in the cat world, and they have that innocent, frolicking way about them that is not only so cute you want to punch yourself in the kidneys for smiling and saying ‘awwwww’ ad nauseam, but so infectious and youthful that one second you’ll be sitting on your couch reading about the Iraq war in the New York Times and the next you’re rolling on the floor batting around a ball of string with a little kittens head in your mouth.

The boys name is Andre Miles [they call him Ray Ray on the streets], and the girls name is Sophia [Sophie for short].

We were unsure about getting them at first. It’s hard to commit to sharing a pet when your relationship seems perpetually on its last legs. But we couldn’t resist the prospect of having wee poo ball bounding around the house, taking our minds off the trials of the world, preoccupying us with a wealth of precious occasions worthy of even the most saccharine Kodak moments. If we do break up, I don’t know how it will affect the kittens. Most likely they will be psychologically scarred to the point of writing bad emo poetry and getting hooked on illegal kitty drugs, but until then we are one happy, embarrassingly dysfunctional family.

We got them yesterday, and they were still only 9.6 on the kitten cuteness scale then. We let them get acquainted with the house, exploring all the nooks and crannies of our furniture, and held back the urge to take them into our bed for sleeping. We were worried about kitty poo being everywhere when we woke up, because it didn’t seem like they went the whole night. But lo and behold this morning when I woke, there in the litter box, like a big, huge, pile of hope, was heap of kitten doo doo, as precious as the butthole it came from.

They did it! They went to the bathroom in the box! There didn’t have to be any rubbing their nose in shit, no locking them in the bathroom with the box and a bowl of fiber, they did it all their own, like grown up cats. Yay!

That is what raised their rank from 9.6 to 9.8. I'm sure throughout the course of the day they would have displayed some absolutely adorable action that would have eventually raised their rank higher, but the fact that it came in a hunk of kitty waste is dear to my heart. I love my kitties!