what was that? oh, wow! hey! the Future! hows it going? its so weird bumping into you here. you know, in the passport line at the post office. and behind me at that. who would of thunk it? the Future, behind me, in a line! its so ironic, isnt it? i would just assume since you, being the Future and all, can essentially always be ahead of everybody, you would at least be at the front of the line. dang!
hows that even work? oh. yeah, i hear ya. fucking government bureaucracy. it even gives you, the Future, the fuckin run-a-round. sucks. huh? yeah. oh, can you cut in with me? sorry man, that would just be rude to everyone else. but we can talk over these two people, dont worry, they've been here for ages, they wont mind.
so you look good. advanced age suits you. you been working out? trying to trim it down for the image? i know, it seems everyone pays attention to the Present or the Past these days. no one even mentions the Future anymore. but i mean, you will always have those great days in the 30's, with the World Fair and all that. and the 50s were good to you too, with every new appliance being hailed as the "way of the Future" [huh? oh, i know. to be honest, i dont think any of those factory made domestication tools really did you any justice. just because an oven has a light in it doesnt really make it futuristic. i think you'd agree with me on that]. and lest we forget your hey day: the 80s. jeez, how we all long for that future again.
yeah, i wouldnt worry to much Future, youre still tops in my book. and im sure you'll start to be considered more often in the ..er,. the you. haha. yeah, you'll be considered more often in the YOU. wow. i never thought about it that way. do you ever trip out when you think to yourself, "dude, im am totally THE FUTURE!" man, that must really flip your wig!
anyway, so as i was saying - what? oh yeah the line is moving. ill take a step. no worries. sorry for "holding you up." haha. holding up the Future. thats crazy! so what was i saying.. oh yeah, so i was wondering if you could like, keep an eye on a few things for me. i wont tell you to, you know, make anything happen, because i know thats out of your jurisdiction and shit. but it would be really cool if you can make a few things NOT happen to me. know what im sayin? there are just a few things that i sort of want to be sure of in the ... well you know.
like what? oh well, um... for one, in like, 5 years or so i definitely do not want to be smoking any more. im getting kinda bored with it and i dont want it to become like this, ugly ass mole that i cant afford to have removed. you know, i dont wanna be an old man with gray hair and a wicked wheeze constantly hacking up gooey, pea green phlegm and spitting it into a napkin i carry around in my pocket all day. that would just be lame. you feel me Future? gimme some dap on that.
lets see, what else... oh yeah! did you know that i recently got a letter in the mail from an aunt ive only met twice in my life? yeah, totally. and guess what it had in it, pictures from san francisco, circa 1975. thats right, of my mom and [get this] my dad! were you aware of this shit? oh, i guess that was handled by the Present and the Past, so really, why would you know? oh well, anyway, that was the first time i had ever seen any image of my father whatsoever. i had never seen him before. at all. ever. i know, trippy!
what did he look like? oh i dont know. average white guy i guess. slightly brooding. he wasnt really smiling which was curious. come to think of it, he looked eerily familiar. but i couldnt place where i recognized the face from. his name was John. according to my mother, he was definitely NOT my father. and were he ever to tell me otherwise i should not believe him. but who can really tell if what she said was fabricated or not? i mean, she was
schizophrenic. anyway, can you try to make sure that, if he and i ever meet, hes not a mime or a trannie or a scientologist or some shit. that would really tear open an already scabbed and forgotten wound. im not saying i need to meet him, but if i do, you know, make sure hes got a clean shirt on.
and oh yeah! before i forget, when L-bonita leaves here and goes back to california... huh? yeah, in a few months. come on, you KNEW that! dont try to play dumb. anyway, can you just, you know, see to it that i get through the loss ok? i know she'll be there for me and we'll never part and all that but i just have this feeling ya know? i mean, when im around her sometimes its like im a giant pane of shattered glass, and with just one soft breath from her i'll fall and break into a million pieces. and its scary you know? not to get all pussy on ya Future, i mean, i can handle myself fine. but sometimes i feel weak and brittle, and i dont want to break apart with her gone. you understand right? plus, if im doing ok than i can be strong if she needs me. and- oh, the lines moving again.
im sorry, i dont mean to ask to much of you Future. i know youre a busy guy and all. probably a bunch of douchebags sitting around asking for your help right now. i just need to get this off my chest while you are here. never know when i'll see you again, especially BEHIND me in line. ha! thats just classic! oh, and since im at it, can you see to it that the next time im getting some serious head in a downtown alleyway i ask what gender they are AFTER i blow my load? its just awkward when i do it before or during. and i dont want to do anymore mega stepped on drugs that put me in bad, introspective moods. thats wack. and lets see... i want to remember to floss. and oh yeah, i want to have more spirituality, and not such a gloomy outlook on life. and i also want-
huh? oh i see... the line is moving again. sorry guys. guess the passport line waits for no man, not even if that man is the Future. haha! oh, im just fucking with ya dude. tell ya what, go ahead, get in front of me. nah, dont worry about it. ive been here forever, it doesnt matter. i can wait a little longer.
p.s. but i cant wait any longer to thank all you ones and zeroes that wished me a happy birthday! you guys are the Future!